Men don’t pull away from women, who make them feel good. These women are appreciative, and happy most of the time. Although the narrative in the dating world is to put down men, I want to offer a different perspective. A perspective that examines the self. When we examine ourselves, we grow, and that’s the ultimate purpose of a relationship. While it’s easy and less painful to blame men, it will only create bitterness in your heart, make you cold and resentful, and ultimately take you away from your femininity. And if you’re on my channel, you’re interested in being attractive to men and securing a healthy relationship while enhancing your feminine essence. Ultimately, to be feminine is to be open and receptive, and one can only do that when one has examined the behaviours that keep them stuck in a painful cycle with men. In this video, we’ll go over some of the ways in which you may have unintentionally pushed your partner away. Listen with an open mind and an open heart. These common mistakes can be fixed and are essential to become aware of so you don’t repeat them in future relationships.

Men only pull away when they feel unsure about a relationship. Some would argue that men pull away if there’s a lot of closeness to regain a part of themselves. This isn’t true in healthy relationships since men often already partake in activities outside their relationships. These activities allow men to be men and don’t require more space away from their partners. When a man is deeply in love with you and enjoys spending his time with you, he’ll be eager to be with you, and he’ll need it to recharge. If he’s having to pull away from you, it could be because when he’s with you, he’s not feeling recharged, and instead, he’s feeling stressed and unhappy. 

When a man feels chronically stressed around a woman, he’ll pull away to regain his bearings. He’ll also create space to see how he feels while he’s not with you. Allowing the space to be there is essential because this is the best way to assure him that you respect what he needs. At the same time, if you allow the space to be there, he can recover from his indecision or the treatment that caused him to pull away in the first place. Men have short memories and often forgive quickly. When we give them space, it allows them to forget about the issues in the relationship and what caused them to pull away in the first place and will usually make them miss us. He needs to feel that he misses you to forget the behaviours he didn’t like. 

If you are consistently on him for this or that and display your unhappiness to him no matter what he does, he’ll start to feel unappreciated and will give up. 

In my coaching practice, I often see this scenario where a woman meets a healthy masculine man, and he’ll be charming, set up dates, and be consistent. Over time, the woman starts demanding more and more from him. It’s as if she starts to take his kindness and effort for granted. She now wants him to prove how committed he is, even though he is already doing that, she’s just not noticing it. The more she demands of him, gets upset over little things and obsesses over their relationship, the worse he feels, and consequently, he starts to pull back. 

What’s important to keep in mind about most men, especially if they haven’t given you a solid commitment, but even if they have, is that they want to make you happy. And when they can’t make you happy, they’ll shut down. Instead of facing the problem head-on, they’ll tend to become distant. They do this for several reasons, one being that they don’t want to deal with the conflict that comes with telling us the truth. How would you take it if he came to you and said that he wasn’t feeling the same or that your behaviour made him feel bad? Often, we aren’t taught how to take in feedback, and consequently, we may react defensively. When we react defensively to a man who has opened up to us, he shuts down further. Vulnerability is difficult for most women, and language comes naturally to us. Men aren’t taught how to be vulnerable, and they move through life guarded and closed because they have received messages to be strong and not complain. When they come to us with frustration or open up, we can create a connection or further disconnection in that moment. 

Men also pull away because they don’t want to hurt a woman’s feelings. Instead of communicating using words, they show us through their actions how they feel. If a man has been very interested and shown up in a way that felt good but then backed away, examine the shifts you made instead of blaming him for pulling back. Did you get attached too quickly? Were you complaining a lot and expecting too much too quickly? 

Sometimes, men pull away not because our treatment toward them was terrible but the opposite. Women who are too nice and accommodating to men appear desperate and needy. If a man has not had to do much to win your heart, he may like it at first, but he’ll quickly get bored. You’ll know he’s becoming disinterested when he’s no longer being as attentive as he once was. He may respond to your texts and requests to see him, but he may not seem as excited, and his lack of effort to move things forward will be pretty evident. Usually, this happens when we are desperate for love and have not overcome our people-pleasing tendencies. In this scenario, a man actually wants to be held to a higher standard and doesn’t want to be able to get away with treating you poorly. If he can get away with the bare minimum, he will, but he won’t like it, creating an internal conflict within him. He may know that you’re a good person and a good woman, but the spark may not be there, and deep down, all men want to marry a woman that can hold them to their highest potential. 

Men pull away for several reasons, and in this video, I wanted to highlight some of the common reasons a man might pull away. 

In all scenarios, it’s always important to respect a man’s space and not fill in the gap for him. Ultimately, if he has strong feelings for you, he’ll always reemerge; at that point, you can address the pull away. I recommend this because when we try to keep someone out of fear or anxiety, it strengthens their resolve to get away. Instead, when we respect their space, they start to feel relief and then trust, which allows them to feel safe to approach the relationship again. At this time, we want to take things slow and get curious about why they pulled back. Instead of making it about you, be curious about what caused them to pull away. When we make it about us, we’re in our ego; we’ll often be very reactive, creating further disconnection. If you want to be with this man, you must approach him in a gentle manner and be open to hearing what he has to say. And even if not for this relationship, but for your future relationship. 

WIth love,
Fareen