Do men need absence to know you’re the one

In this article, I’ll answer the age-old question, “Does absence make the heart grow fonder?” I will also answer “Do men need absence to know you’re the one,” and “Does absence make a man miss me.”

Do men need absence to know you’re the one?

Yes and no. The truth is, men know very early on whether you’re the one. They know within the first three dates FOR SURE, and most men know on the first date when they feel something different from any other woman. My husband knew on the first date that there was something different and he mentioned to his friends that “he found a good one” after our very first date. He needed a period of time to make sure that his gut feeling was accurate and needed to observe how I would show up in the relationship. He writes about how he knew I was the one in both my books. Men know very early on that they’ve met their wives, it’s a feeling deep down that they have and a gut, body response as soon as they know they’ve met their wife. So when does absence play a factor in determining a woman is the one and does it play a factor? Yes.

When does absence play a factor in a man’s commitment process?

Most men will encounter fear as they’re falling in love especially as they move into deeper stages of commitment with a woman. The deeper a man has fallen in love, the deeper his fears are. Our fears tend to sabotage our dreams and desires and will always work against us if we lack the awareness that the pesky ego is interfering. Fear is normal and healthy. I don’t want you to be afraid of fear. Anytime we are embarking on a new journey or about to go outside of our comfort zone, fear will pop in to keep us safe and protect us from getting hurt. Most men once they’ve reached a certain age, will have had failed relationships, and will have had past trauma that will rear its ugly head the moment the relationship is getting serious. How a woman handles this pivotal time will either help him overcome his fear or will move him into deeper levels of fear only to sabotage the chances of overcoming the obstacle and getting back on track. This is when absence will play a crucial role in your relationship. When a man gets scared or overwhelmed and decides to end the relationship, feels confused or pulls back for any reason, the best recourse to take is to become scarce aka absent! The alternative is to nag, complain, whine, and throw a fit – which we know doesn’t work with men!

Why absence is important

Absence is important as it allows a man to reflect on his feelings for you. When he’s in fear, and afraid to move to a new level of commitment, he needs time to reflect on his deeper feelings for you. In your absence, he can gauge whether he misses you and the impact and role that you play in his life. It allows a man to decide on his next steps with you without feeling controlled or persuaded into it by you which allows him to feel free. Freedom is a crucial feeling that men, especially masculine men need to feel before committing to a woman, and absence gives them that feeling of freedom. It allows him to see that you’re not controlling him to be with you and that you’re giving him the freedom to be him and do what he needs to do for his life.

How absence can strengthen your bond in an existing relationship

In an existing relationship, absence can help maintain autonomy and feelings of desire. Attraction needs room to breathe and space to be felt. If we’re around our partner too much, we can become comfortable and men lose their desire to please you since their focus moves to other aspects of their life. While this isn’t a bad thing, and in certain respects, we need to focus on other aspects of our life and not just our relationship or romantic partner, from time to time, space can bring back that much-needed spark. You can bring a bit of absence to your existing relationship by focusing on yourself when you’re not with your partner, doing separate activities and staying back from mutual events from time to time. You don’t need to do everything together. If your partner has a family event to attend and you live together or you’re married, suggest staying home alone for the evening while he attends the event. This will create mystery and give you space and time to miss each other. Let him know that you’d love some alone time to catch up on your shoes and be courteous when making the suggestion, ensuring that he doesn’t take it the wrong way. You can also create a sense of absence by not being overly available when he messages and taking time away from the relationship to focus on your interests. Taking space for yourself is an act of self-love and is not a strategy that one should play to manipulate a man. The intention should be to come back to self for it to be effective. Men know when you’re taking space as a means to manipulate him or get something and it will backfire.

How absence can be used in conflict

In a long-term relationship or marriage, conflict will arise. A healthy way to have arguments and come back together is to take space. Often we can become quite emotional in the moment, especially if you’re a feminine woman. Taking space from your partner allows you to process your emotions so that when you do speak to him, you can do so without the emotional charge. Masculine men when they truly love you, will have a hard time understanding your needs when you are very upset. They interpret the reaction personally and to prevent this, we want to approach situations in a grounded, less charged manner. Every man is different, but most will have a difficult time hearing you if the complaint is directed toward them or the relationship. The less charged you can be when you communicate about something you need for him to do or change, the likelier he will be to meet you with care and compassion rather than resistance. Here absence can look like disappearing to your room to watch a show, going for a drive, going to the gym or meeting a friend. When you notice that you are upset, or you try speaking to him and it’s getting heated, remove yourself and stay silent until he approaches you and is ready and open to speak.

When absence doesn’t work

Absence won’t work in every situation and as I mentioned earlier, it won’t work if your intention is to get a man to change or do something for you, this is manipulation and masculine men have an innate sense when they’re being manipulated or controlled. If you are playing games to get a man’s attention, it will backfire and it will push him further away.

Absence will not work if a man breaks up with you after repeated conversations where he’s told you that he’s unhappy with your behaviours. If a man has communicated that he’s been unhappy with certain behaviours, that could be controlling, nagging, consistent upset, absence will only serve to cement his decision to not be with you. In these situations and depending on the scenario, we must shift the dynamic and approach him differently. I recommend booking a call in these instances as we’ll have to navigate your situation delicately and on a case-to-case basis.

When a man is unhappy in a relationship, he’s usually communicated his complaints before he’s decided to end the relationship and in these cases the feeling he usually has when you’re apart is relief, and this is not the feeling we want him to have if we want him back! Book a call with me asap, and we’ll assess the next steps to regain attraction and trust.

Who absence works for

Absence works for women who are in a relationship with a man who is happy and in love. In these situations, a man usually has fallen into fear and is confused about the next steps. Take a step back, and give him space and time to figure out what his next steps are and how to make you happy.

Absence also works in relationships when there is a bit of friction, tension and conflict. Giving space will restore the natural attraction and allow both parties a chance to miss each other.

I hope you enjoyed this article. Let me know your thoughts below and make sure to dive deeper with the products linked below.

With so much love,

Fareen

Read “What Men Want”  to better understand men, masculine energy and relationships.

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