Reflections: Feminine Woman – Shadow Edition

Care to share your transformation or personal experience with Fareen? She’d love to hear from you! Femininity IS graciousness, appreciation and love! If she’s made an impact, be sure to let her know and pass on the loving fuzzies!

Lesson 1: Remember Who You Are

I re watched the call this evening. It was so beautiful and enlightening. Who are you S***? Who are you? You’re not your body, your hair, your thoughts… Your soul needs presence in order to make itself be seen. This is the truth. And it’s so interesting (and I’ll share more in my inquiry post) but I am always in my head thinking or daydreaming, and thus these are not moments when I’m connected to my soul. This was such a raw moment of understanding for me. The second point that really hit home for me was that we are here in order to expand our consciousness. Our soul needs the lessons, the negative stuff, in order to learn. The soul is trying to speak to us but are we willing to listen or are we guided by our ego? It will be interesting to marinate on this this week – where do my thoughts go most of the time? I think the soul shaking moment for me on the call was light vs dark. I’ve always been scared of this and I’ve talked to you about it on calls before too (najjr) but what you said today was absolutely fascinating – darkness will use your ego as a conduit to get to you and therefore it’s EVEN more important to stay present, and this is the only way the light will win, your soul will win. This is it. This is everything. This is literally everything. And just like your body is tired but your soul wants to exercise to feel good, your mind is tired and prefers to be lost in thought, but your soul wants you to be present – so it’s going to take practice. Lots of practice. The awareness is there now. Oh my gosh, the analogies were so incredible. Amazing call, I’m so grateful 🙏🙏🙏

Absolutely so touched and still in awe with the first call…. The anticipation of the call was too high, and I had run thousands of ideas in my head on how the call were going to be. When Fareen said 6 months is a long time, let things move organically, rather than demanding wanting everything now, I could feel my trigger coming up. I could feel that my mind going: let’s do it now, let’s do it, 6 months is a long time, I want to know now…….. What she said after really calmed my mind, and make me reflects on how my ego arises to my wanting, and my patterns. And I felt so grateful for her and her work, and all the energy she is putting in to make sure we are all heard, and felt loved.Everything in the call wasn’t at all anything like what was in my head… it spoke to the soul deeply. I am doing private coaching with Fareen, and yet it felt like the first time having a call with her. It’s so spiritual, it runs a tingling sensation down my spine.
Everything she talked about discipline speaks true to myself. She talked about taking care of the body, and I have been neglecting it for many months now. It is just programmed in me to procrastinate on it. I keep saying that I will start working out when I settle my debts(coz I need to pay for workout classes), or when I come back from my trip, when my knee heals, or maybe get help with aesthetics. It is just conditioning, and I let it take over my soul. I could have lost 20 pounds in the months I am procrastinating about it, but action matters, and I didnt stick with my actions, and it shows , on the weighing scale. Same thing about working with inner self, a lot of actions are required to get to the result, and I am so grateful for this call. I can really put into perspective the actions that I have taken, and the results of it, and the actions that I am not taking, and the results of it. I am so happy that we are all working on this together, it is such a powerful space. Fareen is so in tune with her energy, and it is so inspiring, and makes me want to do better for myself, not only want to, but strive to do better for myself. For this week, I am committed to listen to my body, and be active to the extent that I am feeling good about myself, and not get exhausted from pushing too much. I am committed to making my body feel good and active.

What a first call. I don’t know myself yet; along my life I lost touch and walled off my true self. That self/soul suffers in the darkens and yearns to live free. Self shows up when I can be conscious and intentional; it can be difficult and requires discipline when the ego and the body ask for other things. Discipline, presence and time allow for rewriting and change in alignment with the soul.

This week I am dedicated to being present more to allow myself to witness what is coming up; to hear my heart!

The call helped me to reflect how I was as a child. I remember seeing conversations happening and everyone around was weird, they all had their energies but they were communicating from their ego, as if they were playing different roles and I felt so confused. SO I thought that I should engage in these roles to ‘be part of the family’. I tried them never with the results I thought I would have. I was doing this long enough so it built up, and I “forget’ who I was. Then being kind and attentive was very hard for me, thoughts and I was so heady, it took great strength to choose the actions what was coming from within. But they always brought results even I was surprised about. They nurtured love, because they were coming from love. I felt tossed by circumstances, sometimes coming up for air to breathe, but the “force” of the dark always felt stronger. I was conscious for one moment then reacting the other. I was shaken up so hard to recognize something is not right.
I’m recognizing THANKS TO FAREEN AND THE CALL ‘REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE’ that I am/was functioning in ego. I only cared about being right and preserving this “superficial” feeling otherwise I would end up very very deep, self-love was not a thing I knew. I felt love when I was small and in certain moments. Those are/were so beautiful.
I was crying so hard for nights, just by filling out the pre-work something cracked open, I allowed my emotions to flow and they were there. And I was just crying and the only thing felt right is to “hold myself”. There I felt love and care.
All I cared about is how others perceive me, how I look, what I say and how I say it, ‘Do I appear kind?’ – I didn’t remember the deeper meaning. I was doing everything Fareen described during the call as ego: taking everything personally, wanting everything immediately and used others to validate myself.

Wow, this call was enlightening!! We came into this body to experience our souls desires, to hurt, to heal, to feel, to experience betrayal and to express what our soul wants to communicate. Fareen explained that we are all trapped in our ego, “everything happens TO us” but the soul doesn’t work this way, the soul always comes from a loving place. We are not our body._We are our soul and we need to not distract ourselves from self. Fareen wants us to just be in awareness for now, and remind ourselves of how we are our soul.

This week I am committed to: reminding myself “I am my soul” and feeling into this!
And to identify any of my impulses, are they ego impulses?

Something that really stuck out for me was when Fareen talked about our soul. I do feel like my soul wants to break free of the shackles and limits I’ve put on it. For some time now, I’ve sensed I needed to eat healthier and start working out, not just for my physical health, but my mental well being too, and my body tells me it’s tired and has no energy. I often wondered if it was guilt telling me to eat healthier or if this was a ‘soul’ message. Today just confirmed it! Our soul knows! I used to dismiss it, but I’m glad that question was answered!

Another thing that stuck out for me was that our soul comes into the physical to experience things and grow, including the negative ones. This helped me to just breathe and will help me take a step back when I feel all doom and gloom. It helped with my current situation and the emotions I’ve been feeling.

Today’s call was so heart-opening. When Fareen asked who we were, I honestly didn’t know how to answer that question. My brain wanted to overthink and ask for context so I could answer “correctly”. I learned that when I connect to my heart and soul, my answer will come so easily and freely. I learned that feminine women still need discipline, which felt good to hear because I am implementing more in my life right now with my health such as a healthy eating plan, drinking more water and taking a break from alcohol, moving my body, and getting adequate sleep.

Fareen showed me one way I can connect with my heart and soul. She showed how being present means filtering out thoughts that don’t consciously come from my soul. She showed me how these thoughts that come and go unconsciously are really coming from my ego and my learned programming. Thank you Fareen for giving me awareness! 💕

I was in awe when she had us saying our name & explaining to us the difference between our programming and us actually thinking! That was huge! I’m still trying to wrap my head around that! Lol! 😵‍💫😆 What I find interesting is that having discipline/structure is feminine. I would think it would be masculine! Trusting is feminine. We have to trust Fareen because she knows what’s best for us.

I felt the energy of what it means to be fully present and light through Fareen. The energy felt very neutral and calm, it was like I was sitting by the sea and just taking everything in. I really loved and felt like the message about “Who am I?” and hearing my own intentional thought vs the chatter made me feel like something was distinct and I felt a lot of relief because I could finally see that the thoughts I have running in my mind about not being enough were actually my programming. When I asked “who’s voice is that?” it was always accompanied with a picture of my parents, the critical voice is my parents’ voice. And the version of myself that was running on autopilot was my teenage self, trying to make it during high school, just surviving. I also felt like discipline was a whole other meaning for me today. It used to mean hustling, doing things forcefully, but when I heard Fareen’s example of “following what the body wants and eating tons of chocolate” but doing what my soul wants to do – and when I sat in the presence of my soul, I realized it will instinctively want to do what is best for my body and it will be the harder choice – not eating the chocolate. But I didn’t feel pressure from that, I actually felt motivated and a sense of expansion in myself because it was coming out of a place of love and care. The energy Fareen embodies and being able to fully experience it and not worry about notes, makes a big difference.

A very soothing call.

“You are not your thoughts” stuck with me 💭

That when we take things personally, it comes from EGO…that unless the thoughts are DELIBERATE, they’re not mine. Loved the distinction between being soul vs ego-lead.

Great reminders.

We pick beliefs up from someone else, they’re absorbed over the years…but are not ours.

I am the creator of my life & could/should take more ownership of it. To remember who I am, to less thoughts & emotions pass…be more PRESENT. If I’m not present, I’m not being ME. Me, myself & I; my soul, can only be active and present when I’m fully present – in the here & now. Great way of framing things, to help it stick, to help things click, be absorbed better.

Lesson 2: Ego

The ego always wants more. More more more. What is your program? There’s no need for the program anymore! That’s so interesting! An integrated energy – masculine and feminine – is what truly keeps you safe. Your ego keeps you small. It’s coming from fear. It does not keep you safe. It’s not cushioned in the truth. The truth is that we all have a higher self, and most of the time, we can’t hear that divine truth because the ego is so loud. But interestingly, we can feel it. Most of the time what we are hearing though is the “talk”. We need to understand the talk – the mind – the stories – the program. There’s nothing wrong with it and we must see it. Acknowledge it. We can’t get rid of it because that means you’re resisting it. When you try and resist it, it becomes louder. Masculine and feminine energies don’t live in their head.

We attract based on our consciousness. Mind is generally clear. Only in our mind when we need it for something specific (when you need to think through a task) – aside from that, not flooding it with stuff. And if there is stuff in there it’s usually the program. Watch it. Observe it. What gets in the way of manifesting what you want is the programming because we are unable to create from our consciousness. We aren’t operating from consciousness, we are operating from our ego (which is not your self) – and because of this, we hinder what is truly our path, our truth. For you to hear it, you need to be present. The loud sound needs to be quieted. But we can’t shut it off – that would be resistance – so we have to watch it.Attachment is ego. Take steps to move forward or towards your desires but allow divine intervention to do it’s thing. Stop focusing on “exactly” what Sana wants – Be OPEN. Be open to all the possible outcomes. The ego is always going to be saying things to you that are not true, which limit you, the soul however lives in presence, the ego doesn’t, because it doesn’t want you to heal. Because if you heal, the ego won’t survive.

Fareen talked about how she doesn’t want ladies coaching other ladies and explain that even she doesn’t say much because it interrupts or could interrupt our process and the way the process is supposed to happen.

This makes so much sense and I have full faith and trust in what she explained about this. I want reprogramming to happen and I trust that if I do the inner work and the homework to the best of my ability based on her instructions, that this will happen for me and I will embody feminine essence this year!

Fareen talked about how the ego resists doing the work because it wants to stay small.

I felt this resistance and postponed watching the video because I’ve been feeling run down and thought it was going to be too hard and I’d have to do work and I was resisting the work. Now that I have watched the video, I’m glad that I pushed through the resistance and watched the video one day after the live and I didn’t wait any longer!

Fareen explain that ego keeps us small and safe but we are a soul! We can’t see it but we can feel it. And that’s why us women are here because we feel our soul. But we can’t see it. We’re not experiencing the soul, the moment our thoughts get involved, we are now in ego. But we cannot resist the ego because if we do, it gets louder and bigger.

This makes so much sense! Because if we resist the ego, it’s like putting a Band-Aid on it and it’s still there. But we’re choosing not to look at it. But if we look at it and acknowledge it but learn how to have discernment with the ego, then the ego will become quieter.

Fareen mentioned that feminine essence comes from stillness and that if we don’t get what we want, we’re operating from ego and reacting to it!

I’m pretty sure this describes my whole life, whenever. I did not get what I wanted, and I was always doing things for people, being a relationships with men, working for my bosses, working for my customers, being a good neighbor, being a good daughter… Good daughter… I was always operating from ego and my reaction was always resentment! WOW 😲

Fareen showed me that I am the soul. I am not the mind, the thoughts or any other defense mechanism that were running the show until now. I feel safe in knowing that it’s not me that wants to protect me by reacting, or by bypassing how I feel, I can be present and should be present if I’d like to heal and make decisions from my soul, I have to be present for that.

I cannot go around and run around turning stones to make everything happen. I’dont have to figure it out. I feel that my ego is so strong.
I can be present, I don’t have to fear that. Fear is just another program that gets triggered by certain actions or impulse. I’m free as a soul, so I should reflect that here. If my life is not there yet, there might be certain programs running in the background that I’m not aware of yet and that causes me to sabotage myself and to want things here and now.
I’m so safe in the present and I feel so lost in the mind.

Who am I to give advice to anyone! It’s just ego wanting to be seen, it can be masked as helping but it’s ego. Every person has a journey that’s unique to them, it’s impossible for me to know and arrogance and harmful to interrupt that personal journey. Programming has been developed by the ego to feel “safe,” but that safety is an illusion and will keep me in a small confined box, limited and restricted to growth. My soul wants to expand and create.

To allow that, I must slow down and be present, get to know and be curious about my ego and programming, only in seeing can I know and with knowing I can choose and become conscious to create a life rather than live trapped as a victim of what is happening around me. I’m not a victim of my life, I am a creator. My soul wants to be free to create. Trying, needing, yearning, it’s all ego. It’s not trusting, it’s not allowing. My programming was unconscious, my ego took pain, turned it into fear and put up walls, made rules, gave me shame and judgment so I could simply survive. Not live but survive.

There’s nothing I can do to reach or make my soul visible. The work will bring it, all I can do is trust. Be patient. Be still. Become aware of and learn my who self, including my ego. Accept my ego, my fears, all everything to be, in stillness. Through this I will have the strength and trust to allow myself and my soul, my authentic self to shine through. There is space for all of it.

Feeling so much empathy and love for Fareen’s story and herself. Feeling so blessed to have been led to her path. Do not follow a guru, follow the divine consciousness, the only universal truth for all of us with the essence of love. The ego is NEVER satisfied. The ego never wants stillness. The ego doesn’t want you to be still because then it’s not present anymore. The soul can only be present when we are present.

If we are never satisfied/operating from the ego, how can that be good for us? It is not. We just have to BE. Fareen knows what she is talking about. Only someone who has been through certain experiences and has overcome difficulties knows what it feels like and can teach.

Thank you, Fareen! You are pure love, I love you!

Lesson 3: Integration

On today’s call I learned that we should be reflecting and aware of our chatter. Catch ourselves thinking and make ourself come back to present.
This is going to be good to stay in awareness for myself about how my chatter creates my reality instead of letting new learning become a part of me. Fareen wants us to integrate what we’ve been learning and let it sink into our bodies and be part of us. This makes so much sense because it’s not just a lesson, but a learning that is to be absorbed into our being/a part of us. Fareen showed me that I need to know my worth and self love and not rely on others to raise my worth/value.
This is something I am hoping all of my work with Fareen is helping to change, others words and actions. If I don’t have this self love, I will let all that in and let others words and actions bother me. Fareen talked about how love and relationship is the most important thing above all else in her life, and she wants us to know she wants that for us.

Todays call was really good! I got to learn a lot about the wounded feminine & masculine. The wounded feminine will have this heaviness & go downward into a depressive state and want rescuing.. I can definitely relate to that! I remember being like that & just wanting a man to save me lol! The wounded masculine is interesting bc they go towards getting angry, etc and again I could definitely relate to that bc I use to ALWAYS get mad. That was always my default! Fareen mentioned how she had to have some clients read to her their mental chatter & omg I was one of them! Lmao 😆🫣 that was NOT fun!

I felt sooo much resistance when she had me do it but it was so needed. It was like holding a mirror up to me lol I love how the healthy masculine men just DO. They don’t think of what they gotta do they just do it. There’s no chatter. A great nugget that I picked up was that in order to create new neural pathways is that we have to have the awareness FIRST! We have to be aware of our thoughts. Now, moving forward I will stop it in its tracks.

I have learned how my soul is full of love, trust and surrender whilst my ego is full of overthinking, judgment, fear and guilt. Ego is constantly looking outside for validation, stories, confirmation of my core beliefs whilst Soul is full of radical acceptance. I realize that my ego is always there but it is not as loud as it used to be. I am more able to catch myself easily and my self-talk. I have to admit I had resistance to doing the mental diary but it was interesting to see how fear based and judgemental my thoughts are. I have a lot of people leaving my life at the moment and I have accepted this and surrendered rather than be reactive and judgemental. Its not easy and its very uncomfortable, it is a CONSTANT PRACTICE.

Here are some comments from Fareen that really resonated from the call: ‘ “Love is the most important thing”, it really is and stuff keeps getting in the way – I hope to shift the stuff (the yuck) so that love can come to me as I radiate it out. “ Choose yourself so a man can choose you” I love this so much. I constantly do mini self abandonment which means I really am not choosing myself in fear of what others think. Its tiring! I am so happy I am aware of it but also aware I struggle to voice/take action/express my needs to choose myself.

A few things that stood out to me –

  1. If your cup is always full, how will you receive (meaning if your mind is always running like hamster on a wheel, how will you receive). We need to make space. It really makes sense to me & I need to sit with this thought/knowledge & let it in my body. If we are always doing, how will we receive. If you’re always in motion, how will you receive what’s coming for you??????
  2. It’s the ego that constantly wants
  3. Be in the space of nothing. Just integrate (meaning let your body absorb what is being said/whatever you’re learning)
  4. As Anita mentioned – there’s so much energy that’s consumed by our incessant thoughts
  5. This really motivated me to discipline my mind & not let it run around like an untrained dog & I have been putting in sincere effort to be empty (if my mind is just ruminating on useless thoughts) & to be concentrated on the task at hand & the present.
  6. You don’t find your purpose, your purpose finds you. Anything you want is your ego (attachment).
  7. You are not triggered by something when that belief is not in you. For eg, if you don’t think you’re ugly, no matter who says what – it will not hurt you!
  8. How masculinity is so logical & just point to point that they block things
  9. Whatever is meant to happen, happens organically. You don’t have to force push pressure – something I always resonated with & feels true & right.
  10. Don’t jump onto the next thing & the next thing, do things for a long while to let your body pick up on them.
  11. Healthy masculinity is empty headed. They don’t think about how, they just do it!

Key takeaways to help me remember what to write before I ready others notes. I have bad memory.
– Energies
– Purpose will find me
– We mirror our mother’s behavior
– The quality of our thoughts attract or keep away the things that we want

We had the opportunity to learn about the different types of energies in the group, very helpful. Given that we all have both it makes sense that when I think about what type of energy I have I operate from my masculine and that I get in a low state as well. It is helpful to be aware of my energy type and where the work needs to be done. I wonder if this is the ego playing its part feeling good “knowing”. Also, we are all in the same boat, trying to figure out ourselves and heal. We all have insecurities and I am not the only one feeling “lost”.

Lesson 4: Radical Self-Responsibility

Fareen talked about how everything that happens to us, around us, is a result of our own personal responsibility. This made me feel sad, I’ve been learning about this in one on one coaching but hearing it still makes me feel sad, like I’ve had so much loss due to this realization. Fareen also talked about personal responsibility in relationship. Instead of jumping around from relationship to relationship and never taking responsibility, we have to take ownership for the part that we play in relationship and if we’re talking ego, we will win when we do this because our life and relationships improves. Fareen told us that healing is easy! This is interesting to me, we complicate it by overloading ourself, we can keep it simple with making basic changes and just DO IT. Fareen said we block our own flow! We are all victims. We have to make sure we’re being consistent in our ownership of ourselves and taking responsibility or the ego is going to come in and you can backtrack because we’ve been in our conditioning for so long.

Today’s call was a bit uncomfortable – the one thing that really hit home for me was that we need to feel pain in our body as the desire isn’t strong enough – we are too comfortable. This is so true, I am definitely too comfortable now as things are progressing quite nicely in a few areas of my life where I feel I am making progress, but I still don’t have what I want in my love life and that’s probably because I don’t feel enough pain. We need to take personal responsibility for everything that’s shown in my life – I feel I do it already as I don’t blame others for anything; but at the same time I clearly have some blocks – Fareen said that when you’re in your feminine, you don’t have to make anything happen. Healing is simple but we want to look at ourselves, learn to be in our body and not in our head and if things aren’t working, it’s us, not the external environment. I am still struggling to be in my body and would love more help with that.

Todays call was uncomfortable! But much needed. I definitely get wrapped up in my ego/programming. When Fareen was saying “everything that happens in your life is your fault” .. I could feel myself like contracting? 🥶😳 it didn’t feel good. She did say eventually as we heal not everything will our fault but for now we are essentially blocking our flow. Blocking the things that want to come in for us. When we stay open we are able to look at things & be humbled by it. This week we have to start taking responsibility & really look at how everything is ME. Not anyone else. Fareen also mentioned how healing is quit simple yet we complicate it bc of our ego! So true bc just to watch this weeks video I kinda put it off.. last night I was gonna watch it.. put it off.. then this AM.. put it off to watch this show.. She also mentioned how accountability & responsibility are different. Responsibility is up there like accountability. We will get into that later but I could feel what she meant by that. Accountability does feel “harder” idk if that’s the right word. Lol.

I’m sitting here in my living room, all alone, and I wonder to myself how did I get here? How am I still struggling financially? How am I still single, divorced, while everyone around me is happily married with a loving man, children…and I am SO sad. Because I have made decisions that have led me to where I am today. I have settled, I have been weak. My time lately has been almost fully consumed with work, but what I want most I don’t have. And it makes me so upset and I want to just cry and scream! I feel stuck, but I also feel hope because Fareen is this bright guiding light to at I know I can count on. This call really is forcing me to own my shit, to own my choices and also empowers me to make a new path.❤️
Fareen is showing me that I am responsible for how my life turns out and what I bring in and attract to myself. The good and the bad.
I keep thinking back to all of my experiences and past relationships and I can now see how much in my ego I have always been. Oh my gosh it’s unbelievable and so heartbreaking to think about all of the ways I haven’t valued myself or I placed all of my worth on others’ opinions of me. I’ve played victim when men would lose interest or walk away instead of being empowered and walking away when I wasn’t being treated as I deserve. Or being too nice and in my masculine. I am sad and I am mad. And I am fighting the urge to become a victim and feeling sorry for myself.
It is so interesting to see the different energies of the women and how they are expressed when it comes to taking responsibility and feeling their emotions. I can see a combination in myself where I can overthink things, but I also do feel sooo deeply and am trying to continue to open and be vulnerable around others. It’s so scary but I don’t want to hide!
This week I am going to commit to taking responsibility for my choices and their outcomes. I know I can’t control others and I’m going to give myself the attention that it deserves and make decisions that are loving to me, while also making sure I am fulfilling my obligations at work and being mindful of others.

It really clicked in my mind when Fareen said that everything I have and have had in life is “our fault.” That we drew those things and situations into our lives. When she said the statement “it’s all your fault,” I felt as though she was talking to me directly, and felt myself accept responsibility and ownership of my life and the way it is. I definitely could see the victim in me, and how I blamed my family situation and life circumstances for the way things are showing up for me. This definitely made me feel sad, but empowered at the same time. I was able to see things for how they are – the unhealthy men in my life, the friends and relationships, and the career and jobs I have attracted.

At 42 I have reflected on why I am where I am in my love life – why have not yet settled down? It’s because I have chosen men who are emotionally unavailable in some way, because I am emotionally unavailable to myself. I have numbed myself to a lot of feelings and people pleasing in order to do so. I have consistently self-abandoned in small and big ways because I have not wanted to face my pain. I have dealt with an abandonment wound in the last year so I feel more accepting to be alone than keep running towards the first man who gives me attention. Yet there are still feelings of not being worthy of the man I deserve, there are feelings of sadness that I am not good enough and so I am still in a position where I am with a man who cannot give me true commitment. I am still not choosing myself fully. The call did trigger my sadness but at the same time empowered me as I know I still have a lot of work to do. I have a radical acceptance that we attract what we are, and so I still do not fully love myself. I still hold on to judgements about myself, I am still not fully present to myself.

It is not easy to hear whenever Fareen says whatever that is happening in your life is your own doings. Although I have heard it many times, but still, on today’s call, I still felt my ego wanting to make myself right. I still felt the need to defend myself, and says that no its not only me, it is also others. But it is not true, and never will be true. The truth is, yes I am responsible for everything that is happening to me. Things move more organically when I can attune to my own feelings, and accept it. No matter how much I want to blame others, I have never set any healthy boundaries for myself. I have never loved myself so much to set any boundaries, instead I’ve always judged and blamed myself for everything that happened to me. Yes I feel sad, and yes I feel angry, and those are my feelings. I have now learned to accept these feelings, and still feel safe within them. I use to runway from all these feelings, in a flash. But now I am more acceptance of them, and it is freeing. When I don’t have the internal conflict within myself, I feel lighter and I can see clearly. It not necessarily good feelings, but even the bad ones make me feel the same.
What I have not write in the previous homework about relationship is, that I feel absolutely sad and so embarrassed with myself that I am not in a relationship. I feel like a failure in that aspect of life. Even when writing this, I feel like I want to scream out loud because I am so embarrassed of it. That’s how I feel. And to run away from all these feelings, I made myself super busy with my work and friends. It is good busy, and not the draining busy, it makes me feel good, and I do not think of relationship. But the truth is, subconsciously it is always in my mind. My friends, majority of them are married, or dating. Whenever I see them, or whenever I listen to their stories, I can feel my energy shrink. I just want to hide myself. And again, if I feel like hiding myself, then the Universe will never open up to me. So many magical moments have happened when I open up myself. I am learning to do the same for my relationship, to open up and receive the abundance. There is tons of work need to be done for this, and I trust Fareen will guide me to it.

Fareen showed me that even when our partner is in the wrong we have a role to play in how we react to our partner and that influences the outcome because if we let our emotions get out of control and have an outburst we lose! Men can’t handle uncontrolled emotional outbursts so it just makes the situation worse. It’s so hard and uncomfortable (because you have to put the ego to the side) to be more emotionally intelligent but it’s so worth it!

What’s coming up for me is that the idea of taking radical responsibility brings me hope for the future as now that I have the awareness which is the first step in healing and changing for the better. I am experiencing first hand how much pain I really have and had to experience before it causes me to actually change. Sometimes I need to learn the lesson over and over and having the same thing happen over and over makes the pain even deeper. Pain is such a blessing for change though! it sucks going through it but it’s amazing when you are on the other side. Previously I blamed others and did not take any responsibility for how I was contributing to the demise of so many relationships. I’m bitter and mad it’s taken me so many years to learn this lesson and i’m frustrated at myself for not having this awareness sooner but I also really am grateful for finding Fareen and learning this now at the age of 35 because I have a lot more life to live and my love life can and will improve dramatically which is very exciting !!!!!!!!

Lesson 5: Patterns

On today’s call I learned to identify a situation as a pattern instead of just one standalone issue.
Fareen showed me that it’s ok to express things simply when we feel chaotic inside. Over-explaining isn’t necessary for people to understand things.
What’s coming up for me is I feel like I’m still learning.
What I find interesting is the way Fareen was so open with everyone and kept her same level of loving energy.
This week I am committed to not get heady about what’s coming up for me, but notice it and observe the pattern, feel the emotion, and not react

Today’s call was my favorite!!! I love how Fareen teaches. She’s so gentle, understanding, doesn’t shame but still has that toughness to her that makes me scared lmao. Like she doesn’t take no shit. We learned about patterns and it’s so crazy how in a nutshell we all kinda act out the same but in reality we don’t have that love, trust, self worth within ourselves. Our partners are a reflection of us & where we were at. Being able to watch & see how difficult it was for some to open up & how Fareen was not shaming anybody for where they are at also helped for me to not go into ego mode but more like “ah okay! That’s okay, that’s where that person is at & same for me. It’s okay!!” It makes it easier to wanna let down my guard & just be seen/be vulnerable. Thank you soooo much fareen! This class was amazing! I love how happy/energetic you are with M***! And i love her energy too! Love seeing how the healthy masculine is too when she was trying to be nice lol. This week I will reflect. Reflecting= taking the time to just be. To reflect on all the calls & to practice feeling into my body.

I need to take care of myself first using my masculine energy, I LOVED THIS, I don’t need to help a man, this will actually make me more attractive. I also need to admit that I want love because the fear of getting hurt is there and makes me doubt about it. If we feel too heavy or if we are not able to feel at all, both are unhealthy energies, how difficult is to move to a balance state. I want to heal my shitty pattern and more than that to heal the insecurities within myself, I am really fed up of feeling this way.

Wow that was really good! I was able to really hear everything today because I wasn’t so in my ego like last time. I am definitely in my head a lot so its hard to let things sink into my body. I could relate to almost everyone’s pattern. It was so helpful to see how Fareen coached everyone to identify their pattern without going into shame and all the heavy emotions because that’s what I did initially and then I got stuck. My pattern: I am slow to warm up if a guy begins pursuing me i.e. emotionally unavailable. Most of the time I’m not physically attracted to him or really want to be with him at first, but I settle because the validation and attention feels good. I get intimate too early and then I get really attached. I get anxious and then I look for more validation and attention. The guy may then stop pursuing me or maybe he stays the same but my need for more validation and attention increases and I want more. I get insecure, needy and impatient, when I don’t get what I want, I get reactive. If the man pushes back or is taking too long to meet my needs or starts to pull back, I get frustrated and leave. I am always the one to end things first. I focus on what’s not working and abandon ship or do it to avoid the rejection that I am anticipating. I always end up feeling unresolved about it and end up pining over him for a long time after in victimhood and then stay single for an extended amount of time. It was very helpful to hear what everyone said about their patterns and so I can use their experiences to reflect on myself too. Fareen also wants us to reflect on the last six calls and avoid distractions so I am really going to try to do that because I’ve been really distracted and in my head a lot lately and spending too much time on social media! I noticed that even when I was trying to watch the calls I was feeling anxious and couldn’t really stay present sometimes. I hear what Fareen is saying about not just taking information in but needing to really integrate it. I am really thankful for this group and everything we get to experience here! I have already experienced and learned so much! With what’s already happened for me, I am excited about my growth and what’s going to come out of this whole experience!

In the past, I would attract unavailable men because I wasn’t open and available. Being more in my heart and vulnerable is open.
Being “nice” and accommodating, doesn’t give ME space to feel and experience my desires; this isn’t open. Without being me, in my feelings and desires, I won’t truly attract an amazing person. I want someone to love and cherish me… I have to be that for myself first. Know myself, trust myself… let myself feel and be seen for who I am.
To attract a man, I have to be the woman.
I’m allowed to feel. I’m allowed to be mad. I’m allowed to be sad. I should let my madness, sadness, happiness, gratitude… all of it be seen. I am enough, just as I am.

Lesson 6 & 7: Patterns Continued

Todays call was short & sweet but needed! Fareen was talking about patterns. If we’re not reflecting everyday then we’re not integrating! 🥶 I have some work to do! I feel like I havent been reflecting every day. As of lately my ego has been coming out A LOT A LOT. Idk if it’s bc I’m noticing it more or bc I am going thru a lot. In the last week or two I’ve been going thru some challenges so I’m trying to use that as an opportunity to see my ego & some of my patterns. I know we’re more so focusing on relationships but some thing that I’ve noticed is that I don’t like confrontation and I don’t know how to tell people know like I don’t have boundaries. It’s hard for me to stick up for myself, and I had to do so last week at work and I felt proud of myself because I wasn’t rude or disrespectful. I was just trying to have a conversation.

I really appreciated this call! I get so much from Fareen’s calls even when they are short! I’ve been rewatching the past calls and I’ve appreciated having the time to slow down and let more of it sink in. In this call it made me think about what I can look at even more with my patterns and practise more doing it from a constructive place. In the beginning I went into victim/wf when I looked at my relationship patterns and then when Fareen snapped me out of it I looked at them again and it was easier to see them without the heavy emotions. Ive noticed that I get reactive and angry when my expectations aren’t being met. Then after I go into victim and then after that I give up or go into numbing. I’m learning so far over the past few months that the more trust I can have for myself and for life the less reactive I am which is really interesting.. I wonder what that could have been like in a relationship. Even now in dating I am noticing that I get into these head spaces where I am not immediately getting what I want so then I get scared and frustrated that I’m not going to meet someone and get reactive and anxious! Interesting.. like Fareen said this is an uncomfortable pain driven process but it is really helping me at the end of the day so I feel proud of myself and thankful to her and this group for this. Another thing that I’m noticing is that Ive gone into numbing and into my head alot and it’s been really hard to feel and be in my body.

In the latest video, I really liked how Fareen sets an example for us by being an empowered woman. She walks the walk, and talks the talk, and this is so inspiring. She said you cannot pour from an empty cup, and that she is full of love and looks at the majority, rather than focusing on the haters and petty people. This made me reflect on the fact that I do not love myself. Which is why I focused on the haters and petty people my whole life, allowing them to draw into my energy. I created these scenarios and allowed all the shitty people into my life.
Then, I play victim and blame these people for my life circumstances and why it is the way it is, rather than accepting responsibility. I really see my patterns with men now. In that I am extremely needy and drop everything for a man. Rather than having my own life and being empowered, I seek approval and validation from them. I have played a victim of my circumstances my whole life, rather than being aware, not shaming and taking action to shift.
I have blamed my mom and dad for the way I am. As well, in the past I was seeking my dad’s approval so much and desperate for a relationship with him, rather than trying to live and empower myself. I really found it interesting when Fareen discussed her experience of men being “men love me, men want to be with me, and men support me.” This made me realize that my experience of men is that they leave and only want to have sex with me.

Looking more into my patterns feels freeing. I was pretty much in my head most of the time and finally being able to see what’s going on…it’s like a bit of fresh air.
Many times I thought it was me who was acting and that I have to be that person. It was me actually because I was acting out on those patterns but with the help of Fareen I can see that there is more to me than being loud, moody and demanding.
I’m curious to find out what’s my pattern that I don’t see that is keeping me stuck and away from men. Or guys? I don’t know how to call it properly. I can get heady so easily and it’s hard for me to be who I am when I’m facing controversial things. I bend so easily in that sense.

Get Instant Access Now

Feminine Woman, Shadow Edition is the precursor to all future courses.
18 modules + BONUS Dating 101 class.
Over 20 hours of video content + assignments that will change the way you see yourself.

Feminine Woman, Shadow Edition

Lesson 8: Beliefs

Wow what a great session! I have been working on this for a while but I love these reminders because it is so easy to self sabotage and forget about these things! We also take actions and have patterns with men and other things based on these beliefs (i.e. people pleasing, rushing into things, being reactive— stems from feeling.… I’ve seen a lot of changes within myself and with others as I’m worked on these affirmations! I’m so glad that she covered this today because it’s so important and even if we know about it on a conscious level our subconscious always pulls us back to what’s comfortable and so I feel some more motivation to be more on top of this and ways I am continuing to self sabotage. I also fall into that group whose mind is constantly going and looking for a dopamine fix so this week I am going to try even harder to limit distractions as much as I can so that I can give my brain a break and detox a bit more.

Wow, this call spoke directly to my soul. I sat there nodding my head as Fareen shed so much light on our beliefs and how they affect our entire life. I have struggled with limiting beliefs my whole life. Having a mom who, to this day, is still overly concerned and often critical of the way I look, how I manage money, my life etc. has definitely led to me having beliefs of being unworthy and not good enough unless I look a certain way or am a certain way.
Fareen has shown me that everything I have experienced in my life is all a reflection of my beliefs about myself. Everything. I struggle with money because I need more things to make me feel good about myself instead of having self control and saving. I struggle with feelings of worthiness. I can go from one moment feeling beautiful and like a treasure to the next feeling like I don’t compare to someone else who seems to have “more” or something I don’t have. One of those things is confidence. This is something that I have struggled with my whole life.

Wow, this was such a great call! There was so much wisdom and insights in it – very grateful!

Fareen said we don’t want to resist what the Ego is doing (as we are working against programming) but we want to notice it and that if we always look at social media, our brain can never be quiet as we’re always looking for the next thing. It’s important to take space when you’re doing inner work with someone to reflect the teachings and embody it. Embodying is when the concepts are in us. It’s important to have awareness, space and quiet so we’re not looking consistently for the next fix. Then we’ll be in a perpetual state of Ego. Our brain is active but our brain is not who we are. It’s a computer programme and it’s designed with storage from the past. Who we are is our heart and soul. To move to the next level, we have to change everything. All of our patterns are coming from our beliefs and if we had what we wanted, everything would be in alignment.

I really really loved listening to this call. I felt that the timing was perfect for me to listen to these amazing messages from Fareen. There were several things which resonated with me from the call. First this idea of just needing the quiet. I really feel like I am here. I am finally starting to feel comfortable in the quiet which for a very long time would have been really strange and weird for me and I would have pushed it away. But right now I feel happy to be in this stage and feel that I am learning about myself in a deeper way, one which I never have seen before, especially not when I was in relationships. I know that I don’t want to be in this place forever, alone, but that right now I kind of need it to be just me here.

I also understand now how the three core beliefs must really be worked on and how until this truly happens other beliefs/affirmations will not be reached. I certainly know that I dont feel worthy of many things as this is a deeply rooted belief. I continue to feel that I am not good enough as I reflect on the ending of my two serious relationships. This is starting to change as I continue to reflect and take accountability for the part I played in both relationships.
Lastly, I really liked hearing about this concept of “niceness”. It really made sense to me that being nice is not really being authentic. For me, I feel I have always been “nice”. Many would describe me as nice. But I know that this has come from years of wanting to just be accepted and wanting to please and often at my own expense. One of the things I reflect on now is how can I continue to stay true my inner self being loving and kind but not being “nice”. This means setting boundaries, speaking my truth, and not pleasing. I have seen myself become more and more like this over the last year and I love it – it feels more authentic to me. I dont always have to be nice or liked and its ok!

Really loved this topic, so much needed and timely! If we don’t have the top 3 core beliefs no other belief will stick no matter how many affirmations we do.

Lesson 9: Personal Q&A

I learn that I have patterns that come out in my style of communication and energy, and that is why I’m here! To learn more about myself and how I’m recieved by others. And what I can learn by observing myself in a group setting.

Shame! Self sabotaging is a form of shame, inward focused and it can feel safe!

I can hear about this subject a million times and I still learn something about myself everytime because it’s been inside of me all my life! I’m hurting myself when I self sabotage. Don’t push it away, let it come up! Observe it and let it go!

The feminine is in flow! The masculine is structure and discipline!

When I get feelings of pushing or forcing, I want to be aware of that masculine energy and listen more to feeling and intuition and slow my roll, be in flow!

Today’s call was amazing! I do appreciate the time and the space Fareen shares with us and provided for us.
I felt myself opening up, which is a huge win! 💕
And Fareen encouraged is this class to do notice our wins, small or big.
I do feel i needed to hear this. It was a missing point. I was never able to feel into what has changed and how far i’ve come from the person i was years or even month ago.
I do feel a lot of gratitude and love toward Fareen and for the life that is unfolding in front of me with the inner work we got to do.
I feel curious to listen again to the call and feel into what has been coming up for others, i feel a resonance with those situation as Fareen mentioned.
When she shared that the process is supposed to feel like how it feels like now; i felt relieved.
I feel gigglish looking at how far i’ve come and very proud. I’d say proud. It’s a new feeling and perspective to look at myself and i feel excited to integrate it into my being.
I feel so loved and seen. 💕
Thank you Fareen!💕💕

On today’s call I learned that I am too much in my head and that I need to be more in my body.
Fareen showed me to focus more on what I feel than stubbornly trying to understand things logically. What’s coming up for me is confusion / feeling lost and out of control. What I find interesting is that Fareen is able to tune into our highest self and tell us what we need to hear.
This week I am committed to writing the affirmations down Fareen has given us.
I am so very thankful for her

I really loved this call! I loved hearing from L***** and all the other ladies! It’s so helpful to hear their experiences and hearing them coached by Fareen because it’s helping me with my patterns too! To answer Fareen’s question I like a combo of classes where she goes in depth with something then after does a call like this where we get to see what’s coming up after we are trying to do the homework and coaching. I have learned something valuable from every single video though so I am open to whatever. What I am taking away from this call today is that I need to sit with my feelings and be with the awareness, don’t let my head capture my attention, accept what’s coming up even if it’s shame and disengage from it. We also need more action and urgency! We need to give energy back to the universe and others when something good happens! I am hoarding energy and I could be doing better with this which I will! Vulnerability with self and others is really crucial for growth as well as being accountable and honest with yourself. I am still working on this and also being more in my body and less in my head. Let things sink in! Take action when you feel inspired to guided to instead! We need to really embed these beliefs and when we do we will see it in our outer reality.

This style of class was great. I love hearing the other ladies take on things! Makes me feel more human lol and I love how Fareen used some of the girls as examples of certain energies. My biggest takeaway is that I NEED to be doing the work. For me I’ll watch the classes & do the HW but then once all that is said and done I fall back so easily back into my patterns & then sometimes I’ll notice the chatter but then right after.. boom back to it lol! Ugh! So that is something I’ve became more aware of & working on to be more present to notice all these chattering. I like how Fareen said that you’re not gonna change by reading & taking in all this stuff.. she was gonna have her start dating & when things come up then they we be able to tackle it together = change. (And some other stuff that equal change but I cant remember it lol) Fareen mentioned how she can feel some resistance/blocks from me too. Ugh! I feel that too!

I feel so grateful that I was able to be a part of this call! I learned how important it is to celebrate the little wins in my life instead of focusing on things that are not going well or things that do not seem good enough. Fareen showed me that growth can be big or small and it is all good and worthy of being celebrated! Some wins are that I haven’t messaged T*** out of fear of losing him. I am valuing myself more and more each day and trusting that I will find my forever man as I grow to love myself. I was also able to see how my energy is more masculine while some of the other women are more in their feminine. It really helps to hear how other women express and share vulnerably so that I can start doing that more and more and become comfortable with sharing myself. Ok found it interesting that Fareen writes down daily affirmations. I never thought those would be effective but I trust her and want to truly begin believing in my worthiness.

I was happy I asked and so thankful Fareen answered my question as to “How can I trust if I have trust issues?” Fareen really put things in perspective for me, as I am not in integrity with myself and do not honour my word. How can I trust others when I don’t even trust myself? I find it hard to find the balance between trying to be perfect and allowing myself grace, and having an all or nothing mindframe. I liked when Fareen gave the example of her weight loss. She says although she is not perfect with her eating habits, she is still noticing an improvement and an upward spiral, where she is constantly moving towards her goals.
She said she doesn’t force and attach, but moves towards improvement. She doesn’t blame anyway, and allows what is supposed to come from that to come from that.

Also, the question of what energy a feminine woman embodies helped paint a picture of the feminine woman, and also how she is balanced in her masculine. She has a high self-trust, and, as a result, others feel trust and safe, as she embodies masculine energy.
I would like to work on building self-trust, and moving more into my healthy masculine energy by sticking to habits and doing what I say I will do.

Every call I learn something about others, energy and patterns!

Lesson 10: Consistency

Fareen said today that if we want to go to another phase, there will ALWAYS be inner work as we need to remove blocks. What we’ve been doing is not enough. When we don’t put the effort and don’t do it correctly we will go back to our old identity.Inner work isn’t fun and the last 2 weeks definitely weren’t very fun for me at all! I’ve done a lot of self reflecting on the mistakes I’ve made (some related to my patterns e.g. being too accommodating and understanding, not allowing myself to be seen and vulnerable), worrying I wasted too much time, not being out there enough in terms of meeting men, realizing what I’d have done differently.

It so resonated with me that she called us out for not doing enough work, there’s not enough effort & she emphasized the importance of consistency which I know is important but the hardest! Man it’s the hardest!

I totally resonated when she said you need to be lighter & I felt it deep in my bones like I need to be lighter & need to work out my ego. I am too heavily in my ego & what I resonated with the most in this class was ‘the more trauma you have, the more work you need to do bc you’ve been hurt & are more in ego’. That was the highlight of the class for me. There’s been so fucking much trauma for me. The bigger your pain body is, the more defensive you’re going to be & more in ego. I am afraid to move into my feminine & it’s like I am being pushed to go all in my feminine but I keep postponing it bc I feel strongly that I’ll get hurt if I become feminine, people will attack me! Ahh!!! It’s so scary to even decide to go into my feminine 😣😞 I just need to become lighter & work out my ego & go higher! I have not been practicing discipline like she had explained in her initial classes – for feminine embodiment. I need to be humble & grounded & working for my benefit for myself – making a note of this bc I quickly become arrogant & hostile if I notice someone’s behaviour is not kind towards me. That’s my ego – my need to protect myself & I very strongly feel like I need to defend myself bc if I don’t, who will protect me? I very strongly feel like people will attack me if I am not defensive, I’ll be hurt if I don’t protect myself, I’ll be hurt if I move to my feminine. I feel this way!

I’m amazed by how Fareen is able to pinpoint out the things we don’t see in ourselves. I was experiencing in the last couple of weeks that my ego is more active – I was not aware of it.
Now seeing it makes it easier and harder at the same time. Surface things does not work anymore. When Fareen shared about meditation and all those stuff it resonated with me a lot.

Thanks to this class I realized how much fear I have in me. Like sometimes I just sit with all that’s happening and the outside looking better and better. And as it gets better I feel gratitude and then it suddenly jumps to fear, but then back to gratitude again. For me it’s huge! As Fareen shared that the ego is going try to stay as it is I felt confused but then came the ‘AHA’ moment.
Like how could I not see what’s already happened and is happening in the outside! And even inside. I feel closer. To myself. I have a long way to go. I loved the stories Fareen shared in the class! It helps me even more the see and to feel how a feminine woman is. I’m so amazed by her taking the kids to the library. It can be felt she cares about them! And I love it! She is literally the best.
I feel so humbled in a good way.
Thanks to this class I realized that justification is just a form of self-sabotage. It does not help anyone.
Fareen showed me that it’s best to take responsibility for my life and come from a place of everything is me until I’m at a point of life where not everything is me.
What really hit me is that I’ve got to do the inner work otherwise nothing will change.
I’ve got to do the inner work.
Fareen showed how i can keep sabotaging myself when I’m not doing the things and not using the tools she already shared with us.

Todays call I learned that we need to stay consistent! Our ego & our patterns will revert back if we’re not doing the work. We have to self reflect. When it comes to being consistent that’s where I slack! I love the analogy of losing weight and being consistent. You still have to put in the hard work but afterwards you’ll feel great. It’s creating those healthy habits. Self responsibility/accountability. If we aren’t holding ourselves accountable then how can we attract a partner like that. Even when Fareen had said something she wish she didn’t she still apologized to Peter & his friend. What’s even more impressive is that they probably found that even MORE attractive bc the way she carried herself. I love that. I want to be like that.

I am finding the classes to be so healing and so truly needed for me especially in the moments when Im listening to them.

I resonated with Fareen talking about pain. I have been feeling a lot of pain lately. Self inflicted pain from my ego and all the stories it’s been telling me about how I’m going to be alone forever and never be genuinely happy because I will lose everyone I love, not have the family I’ve always dreamed about, miss the opportunity to have kids, and just be alone. I have a huge fear of being alone! The trauma of having lost my brother and father and my mom not being in good health makes me scared that I will never receive the unconditional love they gave me from anyone else and I will be let down and abandoned and alone. It’s so freaking scary! I don’t like who I am when I get in this headspace. It’s very dark and negative and depressing and wounded. I feel bad for myself and compare myself to others and are jealous of other families. It doesn’t allow me to show up secure with men when I see they pull away because I then become scared I will lose them and act needy and desperate. I don’t respect their feelings and make them feel bad for how they feel to try and control them. I am really loving working on not reacting to my triggers. It’s almost like a fun game to try and not react negatively to triggers. They still come up of course! But it’s my reaction I keep trying to be aware of and be in more control of. I’m still not perfect and snapped at my mom the other night. But like Fareen said accountability is so feminine and I called her back right away and apologized and she was very grateful for that and then we could move on with good energy. Still a major work in progress! But so much more awareness. I love learning from Fareen just being Fareen. This is one class i’m going to have to watch over and over 🙂 I feel light and love after this call. It also reminded me how good appreciation feels and to show others how much I appreciate them.

Wow I loved the call today and I’m so happy that Fareen did a class on this because it was such a good reminder! I know I really struggled with resistance doing the affirmations when I started working with Fareen and even throughout but now I am just doing them and it feels weird if I don’t! I loved when she said that you don’t change the mirror you change yourself and your mirror changes. Something clicked when she said that! And when she talked about how when we don’t take responsibility or we have murky ego energy we attract other people like that too–like holy smokes!

Agghhh I wish I had met Fareen 10 years ago! I want to be more like Fareen in terms of being more in my heart, integrity and pureness and I know that I still have a lot more work to do but it also feels really hopeful that I have this opportunity. I’ve also come really far too! I still feel a lot of resistance when Fareen says that love is the most important thing. In my heart I do want that love but I also want to feel freer and more abundant financially and I’m not there yet so I worry about money and my job/career a lot. I feel like I get pulled in different directions when it comes to money and love. My ego won’t let go of worrying about my job and money. I don’t know how to let go! When Fareen describes masculine men, I feel so excited to meet a man like that. I’ve always wanted something like that but I never understood or knew what would lead me to that. And the best part is BECOMING a woman that attracts that because it doesn’t feel good to have something and continue to feel unworthy and inadequate. I feel really good after watching this class. I feel proud of myself. I’ve really been trying to focus on taking accountability for myself the past few weeks and I feel that I’m on the right track. I love how much this is helping me and I feel so grateful to Fareen and the work we are doing.

I learned that it is normal for my ego to self sabotage and that my ego is a lot stronger than I thought it was. I learned that my ego blocks growth and expansion and wants to keep me small. I also learned that once I can overcome my ego, then my life will shift significantly.

Fareen continues to show me how I get in my own way and how my actions are a reflection of my beliefs. She showed me how making excuses will only keep me stuck. She showed me how much power I really do have over my life, starting with my own beliefs and the choices I make and my actions. I can have a masculine man. I can embody my femininity. I just need to do the work!

On today’s call I learned how strongly my mind and body is resisting consistency. Fareen showed me the extent of my victim’s energy, as right after the call I began to numb, and went into self-loathing and depression. I could relate a lot to the qualifying energy Fareen pointed out, as I tend to make excuses for myself and behaviour, blaming outside circumstances and people rather than taking full accountability. In turn, this causes me to discount what Fareen is saying, rather than taking it as an aha moment and inhaling the content; which would allow me to grow and progress. Fareen is living proof of femininity and dreams coming true. If we want to succeed we must listen to her advice. As Fareen said, she is practically given us the ticket or key. We are only doing ourselves disservice by not listening and following through on what she is saying.
I also noticed the extent to which I blame outside circumstances for my unhappiness, such as at work and in my apartment. I am not doing my best at work, which involves being productive and doing what that requires, whether I have to go to a coffee shop or the office. At home, I am not keeping the house tidy, which is causing me to hate my apartment. As well, I am not doing the things I need to do to take care of my health and hygiene, which is causing me to hate myself further. It’s a vicious cycle. I am not watching my thoughts and nutrition, what I put in my body and mind. No wonder I am so depressed and anxious. I say I am going to do something and then don’t do it. As Fareen previously mentioned, this causes a lack of trust within myself. How can I trust Fareen and others when I don’t even trust myself?

On today’s call I learned more about masculine dynamics- men need to be the ones to drive the car.
Fareen showed me how Peter gives back what he is given almost tenfold.
What’s coming up for me is gratitude! Just grateful to see where I had gone wrong before with never being satisfied to now being beyond satisfied.

Lesson 11-15: Mother

What stood out for me was how often and how much we blame the men for OUR lack of emotional availability!! It’s our own shortcomings, our own low self worth and our own lack of self responsibility! We aren’t paying attention to our own feelings or downplaying our hearts needs and feelings. We almost joke about it as if to say it’s not that important. And then we quickly blame the man for our pain! Wow!

We have to be responsible for our own needs and our own worthiness and self love!! Affirmations are only part of the whole lesson. We have to do the work in combination of affirmations that we do on a regular basis and while being quiet, no music or other distractions.

And I love that Fareen shared today’s call that she leaves situation where she doesn’t get the feeling of worth that is WITHIN her.
That was such an ‘AHA’ moment for me.

This work is so transformational and life-changing 💕

I get desperate many times. Chasing against the clock takes up a big space in my life and never in my life I ever felt I was on time.

And I experience that fluctuation of going back to old habits and Fareen showed me that’s normal. And just wow. I’m so big on expectations and never understood why I ended up on my butt (many times literally) in certain situations. Because I expect things to change within seconds. Thanks to Fareen I’m more patient now and I can lean into that trust and knowingness. But still I’m very unstable in that energy.

Fareen showed me that a feminine woman is a strong woman. I love how she is giving space for herself and by that Peter also has his space to experience what it means to be without her. I can only imagine him going nuts without her because she is one of a kind and beautiful inside out! 💕

What I find interesting is how Fareen brings the best out in Peter.

I love this giving space thing! I have no idea how it feels but what Fareen shared it’s not a walk in the park.

And it gives of such strong energy. He really has no other choice but to step up. And I’m in awe of this being able to happen.

I love how Fareen creates that environment around her🤍 she feels safe and loving and she is unapologetically herself. It’s the best feeling to be around her.

I did really want to go to bed right after the call. I am feeling so exhausted today. But the call was toooooo good, and now I must write the reflections here before I sleep, otherwise I won’t be able to shut my eyes. My whole cells are exploding with excitement from the call.

I love right at the beginning when Fareen said, ego can be so strong, that even by reading the books, people still ask the same questions. That is so true.


Today it’s been such a grey day for me, as never before. I just feel sad and again was crying during the call. Today I can say I was in the lowest I’ve been. I decided to step away from home and office and work from a Starbucks or Library. I needed to clear my mind and thoughts. Definitely, it’s up to one self to rescue from such a place, I’m trying.

Going to today’s reflections:

Today we learned that if we don’t face our patterns, experiences will come back over and over again in our relationships, different person same pattern, and self abandonment. We all have fallen in casual relationships one after the other, with no clue on why this happens when deep inside we are looking for commitment. This has been my pattern when meeting a man that I liked. I hurt myself and now I live in pain. We need to take responsibility and stop blaming others e.g. son, partner, whoever and ask ourselves “why do I allow this?”. It feels a burden to the other person having to take care of our emotional state. I am connecting the dots here, I want to regain my inner strength and not to put blame on others when I shouldn’t. It actually takes a lot of energy.

Inner work and integration takes time and it’s different for everyone. Fareen wants us to move to a higher level as she lifts us up. She wants us to look deeper into our feelings and behaviours because we think we are good when we are not, it’s the Ego acting.
I can see why, in my own process, as I tap more and more in my reactions, I am starting to look at situations from a total new perspective and it’s eye opening. As I connect how my emotions reapply my mom’s, how I jump into fixing and observe how others’ responses feel to me, I am entering into a new world. I’ve been looking for validation in the wrong places, for example instead of finding empathy I’ve been nurturing feeling not good enough based on what others think. I’m realizing how much I feel not worthy and how I’ve been blocking things coming to me.

I am dealing with the self worth thing too! I have rushed into relationships and become attached too quickly and realize it’s not what I want but it’s hard to let go because I’m in too deep. Then I went into victim and all that. It is very refreshing and empowering to hear Fareen’s perspective and her strength! It’s not what I’ve heard from other women in the past, especially if you are older. It is inspiring. And taking accountability for yourself also feels empowering. I see how not taking responsibility for my emotional state and making myself feel whole and happy led me to attach onto men too quickly and then become dependent on them for validation. I also see how I am self abandoning before and during relationships. I am so thankful to Leyla because I have been there in relationship where I am settling but I didnt know what to do. I am feeling more motivated to do this work for myself and understanding myself more while I’m dating. I feel hopeful about my future and my love life! I’m so thankful for this. I wish I had met Fareen a long time ago!! 💗💗💗

Lesson 16: Receiving

Fareen talked about receiving and how in order to receive, we must want to receive!

This is something I really struggle with because I tend to feel uncomfortable with receiving, expecting a shoe to drop or feeling like I owe him back after I’ve received something from a man! Even when I reconnected with my dad as a young adult (he left when I was 7ish, got remarried and moved back to my city and we reconnected), I desperately needed a car, mine broke down, he picked me up, had my car towed and brought me to a car lot. He offered to give money towards my fav car, and said NO, I’ll pay for it myself. I felt SO UNCOMFORTABLE with receiving his help! I instead took my 401k money out and paid for the less expensive car!

I have had moments of feeling really good to receive, just like Fareen mentioned, and then that kind of resentment or guilt feeling comes after, like “why did he do that”? Or “what does he want”? This is not what I want for myself, I want to be open and receive!

Wow!! Do i want to receive? I am stumped when I ask myself this question! I am always thinking I want this I want that I want I want I want and then I also don’t feel good when I am given! On the weekend I felt so uncomfortable when the man paid for me! I awkwardly offer to help and they dont seem to like it. And I do this every time! I hate when the bill comes! All these people tell us that we should offer to pay on dates but do men even want that?? And in all areas my life when I am given something without working for it I feel unworthy and undeserving and i reject it and make it so hard to just accept it wtf! Even when clients give me love I can’t fully let it in..

I had no idea how triggering this topic would be for me. I was never taught any of this and have been living my entire life to “succeed” and “accomplish” things. Im grateful for the awareness now but my ego is very upset and is being very hard on me. Has my whole life been a lie? Have I really been ignoring the true feminine C****** to chase success and work hard and really ignore my intuition and let my ego run the show? Am I single because I desire a masculine man but always push them away because I’ve been living my entire life in my masculine? This class has me questioning my life altogether! Very scary actually!!!

I learned a lot on this call even though honestly it was hard to hear some of it. I also had feelings of jealously come up that Fareen has this all figured out already and she’s been able to escape the corporate world, still be SO successful and secure, and have the man of her dreams. It’s something I admire in her so much so the jealousy comes from a place of flattery and then me feeling bad for myself that I don’t have that in my life. But I’m grateful we have her to learn from and I know we can all get to this place!

So much to this call. It was a hard one but I needed to hear and learn this. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

The biggest thing I see from this call is how disconnected I’ve become with time… and life experience. Do I want to receive?! Of course my soul does so much it does… but there is also SOOOO much fear and it feels unsafe too. I lost so much trust in myself through the situations I put myself in.

I am finally starting to feel and understand when Fareen says she doesn’t want to work hard to have things come to her. I fucking don’t either… although there’s still discomfort and resistance. There’s layers yet to go. I love that I have this space to learn.

I really loved today’s call because it just made me feel OK to accept that receiving is not a bad thing and is in fact feminine in nature. I actually feel really good receiving, whether it’s things or compliments, especially from men. However, when it comes to family, like my mom, it definitely feels more conditional. During fights she would sometimes call me a taker and I feel like it has sort of become ingrained in me and so it has left me with a little bit of fear of not wanting to ever feel like someone is taken advantage of from me and that I need to pay them back.

On today’s call I learned it’s ok to listen to my intuition when it tells me yes, receive!
Fareen showed me how she receives in her relationship without shame and it’s in her and our nature!
What’s coming up for me is I’m seeing the times I gave in the relationship and how it didn’t sit well with either of us. I haven’t done it nearly as much as other relationships I was in though and I’m so happy about that!

When I asked myself “Do I want to receive?” The initial instinct was oh Yes ! but then I double tapped into my heart and there is a slight pain and also nervousness, I’m scared to receive, I don’t know how to handle it. As I reflect on my childhood memories of wanting fair things that weren’t given, I grew up feeling that I was treated unfairly, as the youngest of 3, I always received the least allowance, no permissions etc just because I was young. Until this day I feel that this was unfair and I learned to suck it up.

In relationships I can remember receiving and rejecting. The rejections were me being nervous to receive, to not appreciate what I was being given. How much I would like to have all those things happening now again

Fareen said that to be feminine is to receive – to want support and to want to receive it. Many women have resistance to wanting support. We have to want to receive it in order to get it.If it is an equal transaction, then we are never really receiving. It’s in masculine nature to provide and sacrifice. Masculine men don’t like receiving. He might allow it (in his nervous system) but he is not going to like it. Before this class, I thought that this topic is not that relevant to me, as I have never initiated or paid on dates, and I’d rather be celibate forever than do 50/50 with any man! It feels good to receive, and I am always very appreciative and grateful and don’t take things for granted. It’s only been like that in the last few years though as I used to feel tense when receiving and I used to feel like I needed to reciprocate in the past. Having said that, I had another realisation or more of a reminder when Fareen said that masculine men don’t like receiving. I realized I did use to give in subtle ways e.g. providing some useful info which I know would be interesting to him but that he’s not asked me for. I stopped that now but that’s only thanks to the awareness I got from Fareen’s coaching.There is nothing in Fareen that makes her want to make things happen. She only wants to take inspired action.

The class is amazing – the receiving and the wanting to receive as a foundation resonates with me so much. I admire how Fareen openly shares about her journey. I love when she shared about the awareness that high-value people have – like they know how certain actions are going to make them feel uncomfortable or a certain way even before the action happens so they just don’t do it.

I’ve listened to the recordings 3 times now. I am in Germany for work right now. And i have been listening to this everyday since the class. Today twice. In the beginning, when Fareen asked “do you want to receive”, there was such a strong rejection in my body. Receiving scares me. It makes me feel like if i receive something, i will need to pay for it back. Or i have to be nice to this people, and cant say something that would not make them happy, or do something that would not make them be happy. This is very evident in me when comes to men.

The moment when men wants to do something for me, ufffff, i break a sweat. For me, its like a day will come when i will have to pay for it. And that freaks me out. And when men do something for me, i feel like there is always a catch in that, and i always associate that with sex. Thats the reason i always want to reject it on the first instance.

When Fareen said, first you will feel calm, and immediately fear will kick in….. and yes thats exactly me. I am going to listen to the class again, coz i just love it!

I really enjoyed this class – probably my favorite. I learned a lot about receiving, feminine values, and the impact of hormones.

I did not realize what resistance I felt to receiving. Even when I asked my neighbor to help me trim my cat’s nails, I wanted to give him money or even a coffee. He, being a masculine man, refused, and it felt really good to receive his support, and as Fareen mentioned of the masculine man, he was happy to help and felt comfortable. He even asked me how I was and offered advice in a loving fatherly way.

This class made me more aware of my role as a feminine woman, and how males and females operate. Thus, I was able to accept coffee from a date, rather than wanting to give him something back, knowing that giving makes him feel safe and seen, and I, as a result, felt free and relaxed being open and relaxed in my energy on the date.

I loved this call so much!! I love Fareen said in order to receive you have to truly WANT it first! You say you want it but your body may be rejecting it. In order to want it you have to do the inner work & peal back those layers so you can rest easily in your feminine energy! She talked about how masculine men don’t feel good receive even if it’s as little buying drinks or something. (Like the examples Fareen used) it just wouldn’t feel good for a masculine man to receive. It would take him out of his role and same thing with the feminine. Something I noticed about Fareen is that she’s berg in tune with her body and she knows if she were to do xyz then she wouldn’t feel good then later move into resentment. this class was amazing!! Thank you Fareen!!

Bonus Class: DATING 101

Do you have a story to share?

Get Instant Access Now

Feminine Woman, Shadow Edition is the precursor to all future courses.
18 modules + BONUS Dating 101 class.
Over 20 hours of video content + assignments that will change the way you see yourself.

Feminine Woman, Shadow Edition