In this blog post, I address the following viewer question: “Hi Fareen! Could you please do a video about demanding respect without looking crazy? Haha. In the early stages of dating, they are like testing you, if they can take you out on cheap dates, for example, or they look at another girl when you both are on a date, I don’t know, things like that. It’s like they don’t know you yet, and they’re trying to see if they can get away with it. Even if this is not the kind of man I want to marry, I want to be respected. So, how to act? What should I say to show him I’m not that type of girl.”

To begin, we first must look at the question. This question is quite masculine in nature. Let’s take the opportunity first to see how we can improve our language and communication with men, as this is the cornerstone to being attractive to masculine-energy men. The viewer says, “… in the early stages of dating, they are like testing you, if they can take you out on cheap dates, for example, or they look at another girl when you both are on a date, I don’t know, things like that. It’s like they don’t know you yet, and they’re trying to see if they can get away with it…” 

Many assumptions drive this part of the question. Concerning this field, in this area, if you are coming to me for advice, as it is my expertise, we don’t want to make assumptions about what men are doing, since if that was the case, and we knew, well then we wouldn’t be coming to me seeking guidance, yes? Although this may seem trivial, it is a big deal to masculine-energy men. Men want to be needed, and if we go to a man seeking help while telling him how it is, he will naturally take a step back. He has no choice but to step back when you step forward.

The more feminine way to express this statement would be to relate it to your own experience, whereby you state, “Fareen, I’ve noticed that men take me on cheaper dates, and sometimes I catch them looking at other women. Is this normal?” You see how this statement comes off more as a question, with fewer assumptions, which allows me to feel needed (the masculine wants to be needed) and provides space for me to come to save the day (which the masculine loves to do).

Okay, now let’s get into the crux of this question. 

Firstly, we never need to demand respect. Anytime we need to demand anything, we do not contain it within. If we thought we contained respect, it would naturally be felt outward, as within, so without. Therefore, those who have respect for themselves exude a natural radiance in their presence or aura that encapsulates respect. When we need to demand respect, we attempt to control a man’s behaviour. Instead, when we naturally feel “high-value,” we don’t need to control a man’s behaviour. We trust that we can walk away if a man displays qualities we do not like. The notion of “accept or reject” holds true here. 

In the earlier stages of dating, and when a man first meets you, he always tries his best to impress you. He will not be looking at other women. You can read more about masculine men and their behaviour from the dating stages and into the commitment stages here. 

If you see a man looking at other women, I would not pay much attention to it. Instead, I would tell myself he is not the man for me. We never need to demand respect, ever. Either a man will see and recognize our value and pursue it, or he won’t. However, when you have done your inner work, you will never experience men looking at other women. When you are the prize and the best a man could ever get, why would he ever take the chance of upsetting or losing you by engaging in low-value behaviours? This is why I highly recommend the inner work course and spending time on gaining awareness. Here is the inner work course link so you can start becoming a high-value woman immediately.

Now, let’s get into “cheap” dates. I do not recommend going to dinner on the first date. We want to be mindful that men are also looking for their perfect person, and taking women out to dinners on the first date can also become expensive for men. I know, I know, I can hear you saying, “Fareen, who cares about the man? I’m a high-value woman and should be taken out to dinner on the first date!.” A high-value woman does not think this way at all. A high-value woman prefers coffee dates as the first date since she enjoys the process of dating and gradually building up the intensity and level of commitment over time. It’s essential to keep the first date short and sweet, and a coffee date is the perfect way to meet someone and decide whether mutual interest, attraction and values align. When we say a man is testing us by taking us on cheap dates, this is loaded with expectations and assumptions about men that are not true. 

In my dating days, men usually suggested coffee on the app, and when they met me, they immediately wanted to change the plan and take me to dinner. They recognized that I looked like my pictures and loved my energy. They determined once they met me that they wanted to spend more time with me and wanted to take me on a dinner date. I would politely accept. However, I had no expectations of being taken out for dinner on the first date, nor was it something that I preferred to do. 

Now, onto the last and final part of the question, “…even if this is not the kind of man I want to marry, I want to be respected. So, how to act? What should I say to show him I’m not that type of girl.” If a man that you do not want to marry behaves inappropriately on a date, why do we need to say anything? We don’t demand respect or have to show a man how to respect us. If this occurs repeatedly, where there is a pattern of men doing this, we want to look inward and ask, “How am I attracting this experience.” I have a module on patterns in “Feminine Woman, Shadow“. The experiences we predominately attract reflect what we need to heal within. If the date was not what you preferred, you don’t need to do or say anything. You can observe that this is not your person and politely decline the next date. That’s all—easy, peasy, and simple.

To conclude, it’s important to remember that verbal communication is not the primary way people “see us.” Our energy, how we show up, and our dispositions suggest what we tolerate and won’t tolerate. Our energy is made up of how we feel about ourselves, which comes from the level of healing we’ve done. The more we heal, the less we’ll have to communicate verbally, and our auric field will emanate our intentions, desires, values and boundaries. 

With love,
Fareen