How often do you appreciate a man’s efforts and advancement toward you? Do you show him you’re grateful for his actions, or are you angry, cold, and guarded around him? How we make a man feel will significantly impact his ability to fall in love; the most incredible feeling he needs to experience is the feeling of being your hero. In this piece, we’ll discuss what makes a man feel like a hero, how to inspire his hero instinct and the common mistakes women make that repel a man’s natural drive to please.

The cycle goes something like this. 

Here’s the general cycle with most “hot and cold” relationships. A man shows interest, a woman gets excited, a man pursues, a woman receives, and all is well and good until we stop appreciating his efforts or he takes a breather, which tends to happen if things progress quickly. We become anxious and try to fill in the gap. How does it feel in our body when we try to fill in the gap? It feels terrible, and we start feeling anxious. We know that we shouldn’t be reaching out first or trying to move things along, but we can’t help ourselves, and then when we don’t like the response we get, we start becoming frustrated, and this is when the nagging begins. 

I want to make something clear. Raising awareness and expanding our consciousness will lead to a healthier version of ourselves and, ultimately, a successful relationship. We take ourselves to every relationship. Since we are the common denominator, we want to look at our behaviours to shift them if they do not yield the desired result of a man who deeply loves and cherishes us.

When the nagging begins.

Nagging is a way to gain control. It’s not the best or healthiest way to gain control; it’s a reaction to losing control and feeling fear. When we think we are losing something (it can be the attention and adoration of a man), we’ll start to nag in hopes that it’ll inspire him to go back to his romantic ways when he was pursuing and showing interest. 

Let’s dissect nagging a bit here to show our brain how ineffective it is. Our brain is designed to keep us safe. Its purpose is to identify threats and make us aware of possible dangers. Our brain is designed to be negative, and negativity is 17 times more addictive than positivity. We want to be mindful of this and practice seeing the best in situations and our partners. What nagging does is it pushes our partners away. Instead of having the result we desire, which is to bring our men closer to us, nagging actually does the complete opposite. When we nag, and it’s repetitive, and especially when it’s done earlier on, before a commitment or earlier into commitment, it convinces a man that he can never be good enough for you. He feels that since we’re nagging consistently and always unhappy, his efforts won’t yield a return that makes us happy, and he’ll start pulling away. When a man cannot make a woman happy, it halts his ability to fall in love. 

Men need to feel certain feelings to fall in love… 

Men need to feel certain feelings to fall in love, and one of the most essential feelings they need to experience is the feeling that they are competent. When a man feels competent and worthy, which also ties into his sense of being good enough, he starts to experience good feelings around you. The more competent you make him feel, the likelier he’ll begin to feel like your hero, and when he feels he can make such a positive impact on you, he’ll start to fall in love. 

Men want to feel like they make a difference in our lives and that they can make us happy. We want to inspire his hero instinct and drive to please us, and we dim this by nagging or making him feel like he’s not good enough. 

Some ways women dim a man’s hero instinct … 

You might dim a man’s hero instinct by asking for too much too soon. Be appreciative of what a man offers you based on where you are in the commitment process. If it’s earlier on, and you’re dating but with no exclusivity, don’t have unreasonable expectations of hearing from him every day and having good night and good morning texts. Having expectations of a man while he’s not in a relationship with you will dampen his desire for you and make him feel that you will not be appreciative of his efforts into a commitment, since at this earlier stage, you’re already asking for more than he’s willing to provide. Instead, we want to be warm and receptive when he’s reaching out to us. We want to keep conversation to a minimum and instead connect in person on dates. On dates, we can be receptive and open in our feminine energy. When we’re sweet, happy and excited, it activates a man’s hero instinct and makes him feel good around us and manly, which is how we want a man to feel if we want him to fall in love with us.

When we over-commit to a man emotionally earlier on, this is a sign that we have healing to do and are looking for something outside of us to make us feel whole, happy and content. When we overcommit emotionally, a man starts to think that we are now ahead of him emotionally, and what that does is it begins to put pressure on him and the relationship and instead of feeling like he’s good enough, he starts to feel pressured and that leads him to back away and starts to dim his attraction and his ability to fall in love. Ultimately, a man needs to be emotionally ahead of us to want to continue to commit. He needs to fall in love with us emotionally first, which happens when he’s ahead of us regarding his feelings toward us. He’s excited to invest in us, and he’s excited to be around us because he doesn’t feel pressure, and he feels that the efforts he is making for the stage of commitment you’re in is enough to continue to build upon. 

How do we trigger his hero instinct before exclusivity? 

So what should we do earlier on to trigger a man’s hero instinct, which will ultimately foster his desire to fall in love with us? Firstly, we want to ensure we are happy being single and lead a fulfilling life. This is important because if we don’t lead a happy, fulfilling life while we are single, the moment that we meet a man that we classify as having potential and quality, we will immediately attach to him and start fantasizing and daydreaming about becoming exclusive with him. As soon as we do, energetically, a man can feel it, and he will prey on our vulnerability by telling us what we want to hear so that he can ultimately win us over and essentially sleep with us. The truth is a man is going to test our values and ultimately will do what he has to do to meet his need for physical intimacy. If you don’t feel good about yourself and your single life and don’t believe you are a catch, you will place men on a pedestal. When you do this, a man will immediately feel it and unconsciously use your insecurities against you. So, we want to lead a happy, fulfilling life before we enter dating. We want to be aware of our insecurities and work to become the best version of ourselves. We also wanna trust that the Universe is going to bring us a perfect match to who we are; whether we have healing to do or not, the Universe will always bring us the ideal match, and therefore, we want to work on being the type of woman that we know a man would be proud to be with, and thus attract a man that we will also be proud of.

Second, we want to be behind a man at all times. When we are behind a man at all times, we genuinely appreciate his efforts at that moment, and we’re not looking to get anything more from him. This allows us to be appreciative, receptive and open to a man’s efforts. When we are receptive to a man’s efforts, it will enable him to increase his level of commitment by increasing his actions toward us. We want to be humble and grateful for what a man does for us. Tangibly, this looks like when a man sets up a date, we are excited and enthused, and we let him know we look forward to meeting him. On the day, we are polite, thankful and appreciative and offer to contribute to the bill. Most women will hear that and be triggered by it; however, I believe that when a man is getting to know us, it is not his responsibility to pay for us and that if he chooses to pay for us, we should humbly accept and be receptive. This demonstrates to a man that we are appreciative and will make a good partner. Most men will never let a woman that they are interested in pay, but when they see that a woman is kind enough to offer to pay her portion, it increases their level of attraction to the woman. It also evokes the hero instinct in a man, for when a man steps in and says, “No, I would love to take care of that,” the woman shows her appreciation and is very humbled and thankful for it. It makes a man feel appreciated and like he has saved the day. It’s a win-win for both parties. If a man accepts your offer to pay, and that does not feel good to you, politely decline the next date. Maybe this man is just not that into you, which will save you a lot of heartache in the future, or perhaps he was just not the one the Universe intended for you, and you saved yourself a lot of time.

You also want to avoid reaching out to a man first or closing the gap under any circumstances, but when he does move toward you, you want to be warm and receptive to his advances. At this stage, you never want to nag. You want to observe if his actions are consistent with his words, and you want to observe this for some time before you decide to be in a deeper level of commitment with him. If he is not showing up at this stage in the way that would feel best to you, then it is best to pull back and not have any expectations toward him. This will prevent you from nagging, which ultimately doesn’t do anything but decrease man’s attraction for you anyway.

Into a commitment or serious relationship 

A man will start to fall in love with you if, during the courtship process, he feels that he is consistently winning with you and that his efforts are being received warmly and enthusiastically. You can enhance a man’s process of falling in love by always being appreciative and happy when you’re around him, and if you are not satisfied and appreciative of what he’s doing, be sure to speak to an expert to make sure that it is not your unrealistic expectations as that can push a man away. 

I hope you found this blog helpful. If you did, make sure to get what men want. “Secrets of the Feminine Woman” and my Inner Work course will help immensely. Be sure to leave a comment and let me know what resonated the most.

With love,
Fareen