Men feel a deep level of satisfaction for what they have to work for and when it comes to love, a man deeply craves to feel needed. How can a man achieve this feeling of being needed when he’s with a woman that is investing in him? Well he simply cannot. When a woman is investing in a man, he starts to feel like a child. He starts to become dependent on the woman and slowly his desire to feel needed erodes because now he’s becoming overly reliant on being taken care of.

When a dynamic shifts to mother-son, overtime a man stops feeling the desire to be needed by the woman he loves. This is where the idea of a man being a provider comes from. Men love to do, and love to give. It makes them feel good and it makes them feel useful. When he isn’t able to capture this feeling with a woman, the intensity of his feeling starts to diminish and he starts to view her as a roommate, or worse yet as his competitor, (this often happens if the woman is competing with him for resources or competence). If she portrays herself as being more capable than he, he will take that to mean that she is now his opponent rather than lover, and that usually doesn’t go over well with men.

In this piece, we’ll discuss why men fall in love with women they have invested in and you’ll gain a deeper understanding of men, and why the less you do, the more attractive you’ll become and the more attractive you become, the faster you’ll reach that deep level of commitment your heart truly desires.

I’m Fareen and I’m a former attorney. I now teach women how to embrace their feminine essence and create attraction in their relationships by maintaining their femininity and essentially doing less. In my work, you’ll learn that to be feminine does not mean to be weak and that you can absolutely pursue your ambitions and be quite successful while maintaining your allure as a woman.

Let’s start off by discussing the first reason men fall in love with women they invest in.

Reason one. Men need to feel needed.

In romantic relationships, and in life in general men need to feel needed. Not want to be needed, but need to be needed. Men have a deep desire to feel purposeful in society, in their work, in their community and especially in their relationships. The desire to be needed is a core need of masculine energy men and they will do what is necessary to achieve this need, whether that be purposeful and productive or unproductive yet purposeful. That’s why you’ll see men bending over backwards for some women or helping others even when it appears they don’t need the help, and often at their own expense and time, because to a man, being needed means being purposeful which makes the doing worthwhile.

Giving feels good to men and that’s because men and women are designed to give and receive in relationships. The giver is generally the masculine energy partner in the dynamic whereas in the receiver is generally the feminine energy partner. When these roles are reversed, and it doesn’t feel good to one or more of the partners, that’s when you know there’s an imbalance in the dynamic. If it feels good, there’s nothing to worry about and continue doing things as you are. However, if you’re not feeling good, I would start to assess how much you are doing in the relationship. The more you do, the less he’ll do, the worse you’ll feel and the worse he’ll feel. If you’re in a relationship, and you’ve noticed he’s pulled back quite a bit, he might not be feeling great in the dynamic and he might not even know why. Things felt so good at first and suddenly or often slowly over time it started to shift. The awareness needed for you is that you may simply have been doing too much. Notice how it felt earlier on when a man you liked was showing you interest. Not only would his pursuit have felt good to you, but it also provided him with this much needed feeling of being needed and valued since your reciprocation displayed to him that he was doing something right, and of course, he wanted to keep doing that thing he was doing right, or please you, because that feeling to him that he gets from making you happy is just to good to pass up.!

When men give in relationships, and especially when it’s appreciated, they start to feel a sense of purpose which makes them feel good, which in turn starts to aid in the process of falling in love. He wants to feel manly in the eyes of a woman he adores and the woman that learns how to meet this need, no matter how successful she is, will have all the love and adoration she could ever hope for.

Women that have learned how to make men feel needed are okay to lean back and are comfortable with a man providing and taking on the leadership role in their relationships. In fact, the more feminine you are at your core, the more you will require a man take the leadership role and the more turned off you’ll feel by men who don’t. You will naturally take a step back with men and in your relationships which will allow men to pursue you and make both you and him feel good.

When a man is investing in a woman and he is meeting his need of being needed, his energy, focus, and drive are toward his conquest. Naturally then, the more that he invests, the likelier he is to develop deep feelings since he is placing his energy and resources into winning you over or conquering his love interest.

Which leads to my second point of why men fall in love with women they’ve invested in.

Reason two. investment creates a deeper level of commitment for a man.

When he’s investing his resources time and energy into you, he’s deepening his level of commitment to you. Every time a man thinks about you, plans ahead, initiates, and goes above and beyond to make you happy and even prioritizes you, his commitment to you deepens and therefore his love deepens. It goes both ways however. Every time you invest in a man through your actions, thoughts, money, energy and time, your commitment to him and the relationship deepens, which is often why you feel so out of sorts when he’s not investing to the degree that you are. How do you feel when you’re thinking about him, wondering what he’s doing, unsure if he’s interested in you? As your level of anxiety increases, so does your level of attachment which deepens your commitment to him and the relationship. You’re willing to work on things and sometimes even ignore behaviours you might not tolerate had you not invested so much. In essence, we don’t want to throw away our time and energy out the door, and we’ll usually see something through the more energy we’ve put into it.

For men, the deeper their level of commitment, the more they will naturally give up their resources, time and energy. It’s a key tell of men in love. If you’d like a video on this, just let me know in the comments and I’ll prepare that for you.

As women, we want to allow a man to deepen their commitment to us by allowing them the space and opportunity to naturally and organically invest in us. This can feel frustrating if you’re used to getting everything all at once, or if you’ve dated love bombers that come on strong. Healthy masculine men take time in dating and they need space to evaluate their feelings for you. I suggest you read my book “What Men Want” which gives you a comprehensive breakdown on masculine energy men and how they fall in love. When women don’t understand men, they try to close the gap in or they try to establish connection which can only genuinely occur over time. Even if the pace feels good at first, since he may be reciprocating your advances, I can assure you that he’s not deepening his connection to you because he’s not putting any effort in. Reciprocation is not the same for a man as is leading or being the giver in relationships. Reciprocation feels good to men as it props up their ego and sense of self, but it does nothing to activate their heart. Activating a man’s heart is a whole other story and can only happen over time.

Think back to when you’ve put more effort into getting to know a man than he has you. You might notice that although it felt fun and good at first, very shortly after his texts and contact became less frequent only to eventually fall off altogether. Or maybe he pops up every now and then to have his ego stroked again or for some “fun.” That’s not a man in love and that’s certainly not a man falling in love. Well, has he invested into you as you have him? You want to be honest about your answer. Even if you feel your level of attachment to him should surely signal to him you need him, this only screams desperation to a man because men don’t want to be needed in this way, in fact, attachment to healthy men, early on, suggests neediness and a troublesome partnership and actually leads men to run for the hills.

Attachment early on and without a man’s investment also works against a man’s inclination to want to feel excitement in love.

Which leads to my 3rd reason as to why men fall in love with women they invest in.

Reason 3. Investment creates a feeling of excitement.

And a feeling of excitement to a man creates positive associations to a woman and eager feelings of anticipation. When a man feels that he’s investing in you, and it’s working, as in his efforts are yielding a reward I.e. you’re happy, it creates an excited feeling within him. He now thinks about when he’s going to see you next and what he’ll do for you. Men love this feeling. When a man feels good feelings with a woman consistently his excitement toward her increases and he looks forward to being with her time and time again which begin to create bonding moments that lead to love. Men are rarely excited about women that they don’t invest in. In fact, you’ll find that the more invested you are, the less invested he is and he displays this by his lack of effort toward you. You might notice that he doesn’t text back right away or make plans. Maybe he lets you know he’ll see you the next day only to not return your calls or skip out to do something more pleasurable to him. I had a woman on a call tell me that her partner chose to take time off work and instead of seeing her and making plans, he spent the entire week at home playing video games! This is a man that is not in love and not invested. Rather than her tending to her own feelings and heart, she accommodated him which dimmed his attraction even further. By the way, we did have a call and she did a texting package for the day with me and we turned things around for the time being. Attraction can be turned around and you can always work with me privately to turn things around. I’ve worked with many women to turn around their relationships and many have gone on to be married with babies now with the same men that had ignored them and checked out for years!

The final reason men fall in love with women they’ve invested in is men value what they work for and are proud of what they’ve earned not simply received.

Let’s take the example of athletes. They train very hard for that moment that defines them a winner. They wake up early, are diligent about their food and make sacrifices, just to be renounced as the best in their sport. Men then value that trophy or prize that they receive for winning, they don’t just give it away. Even men that hunt, often they’ll hang their winnings just to display their efforts. When a man hasn’t made any investment into a woman, he won’t value her or the relationship and therefore he won’t feel love for her because there’s no respect. Men need to feel that they’ve earned a woman’s love and adoration which then gives them a feeling of pride and accomplishment and this circles back to their level of commitment to the relationship which naturally deepens as the value goes up.

In all, men desire to invest in you, woo you and win you over. It’s a gift that you don’t want to rob yourself or him of.

Reach out to me for private coaching or if you have a question about your relationship or situation, purchase a question and write me so I can give you specific advice pertaining to your situation. The books and course will give you a greater awareness on men, masculine-feminine energy and relationships.

With love,
Fareen