He needs an emotional connection to fall in love with you | Fareen Ash

Emotional Connection takes time to build

Most assume men fall in love through physical closeness and rush courtship to solidify a relationship. But when has this ever worked? Have you noticed that the faster you rush to get a man to commit and get the relationship title, the less interested he seems, and suddenly, he seems to withdraw and pull away? 

You might even try tactics at this point to get him back, or you might lean back or create an absence to lure him back. 

What happens, though? Does he come back? And even if he does, you’ve sparked his ego. You’ve activated an ego response, which does, I’ll admit, work with men, but it won’t be enough to get a man to fall deeply in love with you. That’s because the heart and the mind or ego function very differently, and for a man to love you deeply, his heart needs to be activated, not his ego. Ego love is shallow and will fade. Even if a man stays with a woman out of ego love, he’s distant, uninterested, and often appears checked out. 

 Activate his emotions to build emotional closeness

When a man falls in love emotionally first, his heart and emotions are activated, and that’s when you’ll have his true devotion. Men are wired to detach emotionally as their primary function is to be out in the world to produce. They live not from their heart and body but from their mind and logic. When they meet a woman who can activate their heart, it awakens and enlivens a part of them that they love to experience, the feeling and sensory part of who they are. When the feeling and sensory or heart are activated, life seems colourful and bright. Life takes on new meaning. When a woman learns how to do this with men, men can’t get enough, and this feeling that they experience when around the woman seeps into their subconscious and leaves them wanting more when they are apart. This feeling arouses a man’s deep interest in a woman. 

 Avoid getting physical without a commitment 

How do we go about evoking this feeling in a man? We want to sleep with men once they’ve earned our love through a commitment. A commitment takes time to build. Women often tell me that after just a few dates, a man will confess his feelings for a woman and declare that she’s the one or that he can’t see himself with any other woman. Let me tell you a secret about healthy, secure, masculine-energy men. They will never reveal themselves in this way to a woman. Revealing to a woman that she is the one only after a few dates is out of integrity for most men because healthy men never base decisions on pure emotion. They take time to assess that their feelings are accurate, and they do this over time to evaluate if the feeling remains with how they feel over time and how a woman shows up in the relationship and/or courtship. If a man made these statements earlier, his worst fear is that he can’t commit to his word. What if his feelings changed, or she wasn’t who he thought she was? Then he’d have to backtrack on his word, and healthy men hate doing this. They feel out of integrity and want nothing more than to be stand-up guys who are honest and authentic in their intentions toward a woman. 

When a man comes on hot and heavy earlier on, it’s often to get a woman into bed. It’s a game. It’s part of the chase and thrill for a man. It would be best if you weren’t upset by this. It’s a good thing if a man is sexually attracted to you. You want to be smart enough to protect your heart and your interests, and giving your body away to a man will never yield you the devotion that you deeply desire. 

 Emotional Intimacy starts with you

So what do you want to do instead, and how can you get a man to be emotionally available and open? You start by having an intimate relationship with yourself. Intimacy with another can only happen if we have a deep level of intimacy with ourselves, which means we are happy, loving and accepting of ourselves. We don’t need the approval of others to feel whole and complete. In this way, we can be ourselves around men. We can share our hearts and ourselves without fearing being judged and be playful and light-hearted with a man. Being playful and emotionally connected while in the presence of a man allows him to dip from his head to his body while with you. When he can do this regularly, he’ll want to be around you, as being with you takes him away from life’s stressors. When he’s with you, he can relax and feel emotions, experiencing his feminine side while feeling deeply attracted to you. Men fall in love as this emotional connection deepens. You want to foster this connection and build on the connection when you’re together versus focusing heavily on your body or the physical side of the relationship. 

You see, men can disconnect emotionally from sex. If a man is not in love, sex meets a biological need, and that’s it. When the act is complete, he’ll disconnect if he’s not in love. You won’t experience cuddles, he’ll seem aloof, and he might not even want to spend the night. He’s had his fix, and now he’s done. And no, men do not feel this way when they’re in love with a woman. When a man has a deep emotional connection to a woman, sex leads to deeper levels of intimacy, and when the act is complete, he will still want to be close and intimate. He’ll even look forward to the next time he gets to be intimate with you again. It is an entirely different experience for men when they are intimate with a woman they are in love with. 

And so you want to take time with courting and getting to know him. The longer you take to be physical with him, the more fun you have while together, the deeper his bond becomes. He now can’t get enough of you and is excited to be with you and get to know you deeper and deeper. 

Take your time with things. The beginning is the best chance for a man to show his best characteristics. If you rush the beginning, you’ll get the lazier side of him faster than you would have liked. A woman told me she rushed into sleeping with her partner, and they made it official within a few weeks. Now, 7 weeks in, they have the title, yet he doesn’t text her good night or good morning and makes no effort to set up dates. He expects to come over, watch a show and be intimate. She was seeking my guidance on how to reverse this dynamic. The truth is, the more a man can get away with, the less likely he’ll be able to do more. Men compartmentalize unconsciously, and once they’ve put you in a category that does not inspire love or devotion, it’s tough to get out of that box, although it can be done. If you give men boyfriend benefits or wife privileges before earning it, they lose the incentive to earn your love. When your love comes too easy, they start to become uninterested. That’s when your feelings develop and his start to fade. 

What we want to do instead is allow a man to experience his emotions while he’s with us and take out the physical contact for as long as it takes for us to feel safe in his consistency. Be girlish in your delivery about why you’re not ready to be intimate, as this will help him feel less rejected. Men are happy to take it slow if they think they are liked and valued. If we are cold in our approach, they tend to feel rejected and take it to mean that we are just not interested. And if we’re with a man we like and want him to continue pursuing, we do not want to give him the wrong idea by being cold in our delivery. 

Another way to raise emotional closeness with a man is to be open while we’re with him. Openness is the feminine art of vulnerability. We can learn to be open through self-awareness and learning to love and accept ourselves as we are. Forgiveness also plays a part in being open. If we can forgive ourselves for our past mistakes, we can now be open to sharing what we’ve learned. Openness is attractive to masculine energy men and brings them closer to us, enabling them to feel emotionally safe to share their hearts. Men need to feel safe to be vulnerable with a woman, and they can only do this with a woman who is open and not guarded. If you’re rushing into a commitment with a man, you haven’t learned how to be with yourself and, therefore, have not learned how to be emotionally available with yourself. When we have not learned how to be emotionally available with ourselves, it becomes challenging to connect with a man because men are looking for this sensitivity with women. They crave it, and they often don’t realize or know that they do until they are in the experience of it. 

Investment creates attraction 

Let him invest in you. 

Another way to increase emotional connection is by allowing a man to invest in you. Investment doesn’t only mean monetary. It also means his time and commitment. The more you let a man invest in you via his thoughts, energy, time and commitment, the closer he’s starting to feel for you. The key here is that you appreciate his efforts and make them known. Otherwise, you’ll appear to be a taker, and men don’t feel good with women who don’t appreciate their efforts. This strategy can backfire if you are not a genuinely warm, caring person, and it’s important to partake in inner work to truly become the best version of yourself and not just land a man. You can start today by working through my inner work course. You’ll gain much awareness, learn to heal, and become your best self. 

When men invest in a woman, they start to feel deeply connected to her since their primary way to love is through giving. Giving of himself bonds him to a woman, and this is the primary reason we want to allow the relationship to unfold without putting undue pressure on the title. When men feel good with a woman, they naturally start to do more and more and want to solidify the connection. They won’t want to lose their feeling with you if it’s a good feeling, and they’ll want to make their interest known to you. When men move things forward, their emotional connection and attraction grow, which is how they fall in love.

With love,
Fareen

Video Transcript:

00:00 There’s so much sex available that in order for him to take things to the next level other needs of his need to be met and now an emotional connection for a man is so important most men might. Not even admit this they might not even know that this is a need of theirs. They might not understand how important it is for them to actually be with a woman that they feel connected to until they’ve met a woman that really understands them and has met this inner need of his emotional intimacy for a man is the ability to be close to a woman and to be intimate with a woman without any sort of sexual intercourse. It is intimacy in language and communication and in closeness and emotional sharing that a man find really captivating in a woman. What most women are doing wrong in relationships is they are no longer embracing their Womanhood or their femininity in relationships with men in fact even before a relationship with a man. They’re behaving in the ways that a man would behave in his player days or in his toxic masculine and women are behaving this way because they’re looking for a love connection and adoration which makes sense and it’s fair and valid the ways in which they’re going about to get. These needs met are counterintuitive to actually getting their needs met because men don’t function in that way with women if they really want to fall in love. The way in which a man falls in love is counterintuitive to the instinctual aspects of what a woman is doing in the modern day because women have lost their feminine. It modern women are moved into survival quite a bit and they’re exhausted and they’re in this Rat Race and are functioning in their masculine energy quite a bit and not even in their healthy masculine energy but in their toxic masculine energy and so in relationships because they’re not getting their needs met they’re moving into relationships with men in much the same way. In this video I want to get into one of the biggest mistakes that women are making with men and what they don’t understand about men uh.

01:59 I’m here to teach you more about yourself and to help you gain awareness strategies without the inner work or without awareness because they simply don’t work with healthy men. If you function as a man in a relationship or during courtship. A man will like it because men are driven to meet their physical needs. They’re driven to procreate so we don’t want to be mad at men for that. It’s just a core function of men. With this in mind. You function as a man would in dating or when he’s hunting which is looking for someone to procreate with you’re not going to be able to get the love and adoration because what a man really wants is a woman that is soft and isn’t her feminine and a man is not able to connect with women that aren’t able to meet this need that they have which is to be this like strong masculine provider and hero for a woman Every Man Has This within him. Even if he doesn’t really know that he does often times it just takes like the right woman to bring this out in him. Now when a woman is functioning as a man in courtship how that that looks is she’s taking the leadership role in the initial phases of dating and it doesn’t even have to be the initial phases of dating. It could be into courtship. It should be a few months courtship is not just a week. It’s consistency over a period of time and it’s a man showing up in his masculine energy for a period of time. And I would say at least 3 months and it is paced so we don’t need to rush courtship if it’s rushed. It’s not courtship that’s trauma bonding and we really want to look at the energy in which we’re coming into relationships with because if we’re coming into a relationship from a space of insecurity and I don’t feel good then.

03:38 We’re naturally going to attract that same thing back and so when a woman is approaching men with this like Hunter mentality and she’s looking to lock a man down because she’s not getting her needs met from herself cuz. We always want to meet our own needs first and when we don’t meet our own needs we’re naturally going to look for someone else to meet our needs. What happens is a man checks out and so men don’t bond with women through sex or through physical closeness that is gear to sexual pleasure once a man has fallen in love. Sex is a way to bring a man closer to that woman and it’s a way that a man expresses his love for the woman earlier on when a man hasn’t met you even if his instinctual Drive is to procreate that comes from his DNA and his own encoding that he’s driven to meet women to procreate and even for sexual pleasure if a woman meets. This need of his what happens is right away that Rush that he gets from getting this like need met goes away so let’s just say the dopamine effects. This need gets met and immediately he checks out. He hasn’t developed enough closeness with her that allow him to want to continue to progress that relationship and even if he does keep coming back the reason he’s coming back likely is because he wants to get this need met. Then he’s going to want to get that met if not from her then from other women. What happens with men is in terms of them falling in love and why a lot of men maybe seem avoidant now or seem harder to lock down or don’t seem as interested is because the availability of sex on the internet and a woman just giving herself away is so prevalent. Now that a man doesn’t really have a desire to settle down or to meet a woman and marry her because first of all there’s so much sex available that in order for him to take things to the Next Level other needs of his need to be met and now an emotional connection for a man is so important. Most men might not even admit this. They might not even know that this is a need of theirs. They might not understand how important it is for them to actually be with a woman that they feel connected to until they’ve met a woman that really understands them and has met this inner need of his emotional intimacy.

05:57 For a man is the ability to be close to a woman and to be intimate with a woman without any sort of sexual intercourse. It is intimacy in language and communication and in closeness and um emotional sharing that a man find really captivating in a woman and this is why when I talk about feminine energy and feminine energetics. I always say that feminine energy is not the energy of being saved because men that are healthy in their masculine energy are very ambitious and are likely educated. They have things going on in their own lives and so naturally they’re going to also be attracted to a woman that has those same traits. We are attracted to those that carry the same sort of traits and values and characteristics that we do and we’re very attracted to people that have qualities that we have not yet integrated within us and so a feminine woman will be very attracted to a man that’s very strong not because she doesn’t have strength within. But because she possesses strength but he possesses strength in a different way possesses conf in a different way. A feminine woman is not naturally confident. It’s something that she builds within her over time in my inner. Workhorse I give you tools on how you could build your inner self and in Seekers of the feminine woman I go into her which is your inner child and building and nurturing that part of yourself because femininity is the integration of the masculine when you develop this innate relationship with yourself between the masculine and The Feminine you’re creating a relationship of intimacy within yourself self and naturally then you’ll be able to do that when you’re with a man. Most of us have not learned how to do this and are let’s say surface level or very shallow and so if you don’t know how to do this within yourself. You’re not going to be able to know how to do this with a man and a man is definitely not going to know how to do this because men are not taught to be with their feelings and be emotionally connected to women. They’re not taught that they’re taught to detach and be strong and be out in the world be in their head and so a truly feminine woman is going to help a man come into his body and that is what makes a man.

08:08 St to fall in love because he realizes that when he’s with her he’s not in his head up thinking about what he needs to be doing tomorrow or what to take for lunch the next day or what his gym routine going to be. He’s not in his head when he’s with her. He’s so engrossed in being with her and that feels really good for a man and now when this is built up over time meaning that a man just doesn’t experience all of what a woman has to offer on one date because again that’s not healthy if a woman is trying to emotionally connect with a man on the first date and she’s rushing it. She’s like telling him about her past and getting into all of her previous trauma which by the way this is not emotionally connecting. This is emotionally dumping but let’s say she’s doing this like earlier on because she’s trying to establish a connection with him that is not an emotional connection that a man is looking for in fact that’s going to feel very heavy to a man.

09:00 So what’s going to happen is initially you’re going to be very light. You’re going to know yourself. You’re going to be very secure with yourself and you’re going to be going on dates with the intention of meeting men and it’s going to be fun for you and over time. This bond that you develop with this man is going to deepen but earlier on the way that you build this emotional attraction with a man is being very present and so you don’t want to be in your head and think about look. What should I ask him and what should I talk about instead you want to be very present. On the date. You want to be in your body and how you can be in your body is notice when you’re in your head and so if you’re having a conversation in your head while you’re with someone or you’re having a conversation with him and your thoughts are going catch that which is the awareness and come back to yourself. Meaning come back to your body realize where you are and now connect with him make eye contact with him and connect with him and show actual interest in him and what he’s saying what you can also do to build emot attraction at that point is share with him. What your interests are and what men find really attractive. In women is a woman that has interests outside of.

10:10 Let’s just say a relationship and she has energy and passion about that subject femininity and feminine energy is energy. It is not uh rigidity or um a woman trying to be perfect. It’s a woman that really knows herself is confident in who she is and is able to express who she is just in her beingness. Her beingness makes people feel alive and that is what you want to practice with men now as time goes on and these moments increase with a man. His desire to be with you is going to increase. He’s going to start thinking about you more and more and he’s going to naturally want to see you again and when you’re not together and he’s noticing that his thoughts keep coming back to you that is when he’s going to start falling in love with you without his thoughts going back to you and without this entire process being paced out. That means it should be that you meet a man and then you have all these messages with him like 0 to 100 overnight a man’s not going to fall in love. That way it might be a short-term relationship. You might notice that you guys get into a relationship. It’s hot and heavy but I teach about long-term attraction and long-term attraction does not happen overnight.

11:19 It takes time to build I hope you enjoyed this message please. Let me know what you learned from this if you want to speak with me about your specific situation. You can book a call with me. If you have a quick question about a situation you’re dealing with you can also book an email session and I’ll get back to those generally within 24 to 48 hours and get the inner work course. It’ll change your life and the books are also a very great resource as well. And I’ll catch you on the next one bye for now.