Most assume men fall in love through physical closeness and rush courtship to solidify a relationship. But when has this ever worked? 

Have you noticed that the faster you rush to get a man to commit and get the relationship title, the less interested he seems, and suddenly, he seems to withdraw and pull away? 

You might even try tactics at this point to get him back, or you might lean back or create an absence to lure him back. 

What happens, though? Does he come back? And even if he does, you’ve sparked his ego. You’ve activated an ego response, which does, I’ll admit, work with men, but it won’t be enough to get a man to fall deeply in love with you. That’s because the heart and the mind or ego function very differently, and for a man to love you deeply, his heart needs to be activated, not his ego. Ego love is shallow and will fade. Even if a man stays with a woman out of ego love, he’s distant, uninterested, and often appears checked out. 

When a man falls in love emotionally first, his heart and emotions are activated, and that’s when you’ll have his true devotion. Men are wired to detach emotionally as their primary function is to be out in the world to produce. They live not from their heart and body but from their mind and logic. When they meet a woman who can activate their heart, it awakens and enlivens a part of them that they love to experience, the feeling and sensory part of who they are. When the feeling and sensory or heart are activated, life seems colourful and bright. Life takes on new meaning. When a woman learns how to do this with men, men can’t get enough, and this feeling that they experience when around the woman seeps into their subconscious and leaves them wanting more when they are apart. This feeling arouses a man’s deep interest in a woman. 

How do we go about evoking this feeling in a man? We want to sleep with men once they’ve earned our love through a commitment. A commitment takes time to build. Women often tell me that after just a few dates, a man will confess his feelings for a woman and declare that she’s the one or that he can’t see himself with any other woman. Let me tell you a secret about healthy, secure, masculine-energy men. They will never reveal themselves in this way to a woman. Revealing to a woman that she is the one only after a few dates is out of integrity for most men because healthy men never base decisions on pure emotion. They take time to assess that their feelings are accurate, and they do this over time to evaluate if the feeling remains with how they feel over time and how a woman shows up in the relationship and/or courtship. If a man made these statements earlier, his worst fear is that he can’t commit to his word. What if his feelings changed, or she wasn’t who he thought she was? Then he’d have to backtrack on his word, and healthy men hate doing this. They feel out of integrity and want nothing more than to be stand-up guys who are honest and authentic in their intentions toward a woman. 

When a man comes on hot and heavy earlier on, it’s often to get a woman into bed. It’s a game. It’s part of the chase and thrill for a man. It would be best if you weren’t upset by this. It’s a good thing if a man is sexually attracted to you. You want to be smart enough to protect your heart and your interests, and giving your body away to a man will never yield you the devotion that you deeply desire. 

So what do you want to do instead, and how can you get a man to be emotionally available and open? You start by having an intimate relationship with yourself. Intimacy with another can only happen if we have a deep level of intimacy with ourselves, which means we are happy, loving and accepting of ourselves. We don’t need the approval of others to feel whole and complete. In this way, we can be ourselves around men. We can share our hearts and ourselves without fearing being judged and be playful and light-hearted with a man. Being playful and emotionally connected while in the presence of a man allows him to dip from his head to his body while with you. When he can do this regularly, he’ll want to be around you, as being with you takes him away from life’s stressors. When he’s with you, he can relax and feel emotions, experiencing his feminine side while feeling deeply attracted to you. Men fall in love as this emotional connection deepens. You want to foster this connection and build on the connection when you’re together versus focusing heavily on your body or the physical side of the relationship. 

You see, men can disconnect emotionally from sex. If a man is not in love, sex meets a biological need, and that’s it. When the act is complete, he’ll disconnect if he’s not in love. You won’t experience cuddles, he’ll seem aloof, and he might not even want to spend the night. He’s had his fix, and now he’s done. And no, men do not feel this way when they’re in love with a woman. When a man has a deep emotional connection to a woman, sex leads to deeper levels of intimacy, and when the act is complete, he will still want to be close and intimate. He’ll even look forward to the next time he gets to be intimate with you again. It is an entirely different experience for men when they are intimate with a woman they are in love with. 

And so you want to take time with courting and getting to know him. The longer you take to be physical with him, the more fun you have while together, the deeper his bond becomes. He now can’t get enough of you and is excited to be with you and get to know you deeper and deeper. 

Take your time with things. The beginning is the best chance for a man to show his best characteristics. If you rush the beginning, you’ll get the lazier side of him faster than you would have liked. A woman told me she rushed into sleeping with her partner, and they made it official within a few weeks. Now, 7 weeks in, they have the title, yet he doesn’t text her good night or good morning and makes no effort to set up dates. He expects to come over, watch a show and be intimate. She was seeking my guidance on how to reverse this dynamic. The truth is, the more a man can get away with, the less likely he’ll be able to do more. Men compartmentalize unconsciously, and once they’ve put you in a category that does not inspire love or devotion, it’s tough to get out of that box, although it can be done. If you give men boyfriend benefits or wife privileges before earning it, they lose the incentive to earn your love. When your love comes too easy, they start to become uninterested. That’s when your feelings develop and his start to fade. 

What we want to do instead is allow a man to experience his emotions while he’s with us and take out the physical contact for as long as it takes for us to feel safe in his consistency. Be girlish in your delivery about why you’re not ready to be intimate, as this will help him feel less rejected. Men are happy to take it slow if they think they are liked and valued. If we are cold in our approach, they tend to feel rejected and take it to mean that we are just not interested. And if we’re with a man we like and want him to continue pursuing, we do not want to give him the wrong idea by being cold in our delivery. 

Another way to raise emotional closeness with a man is to be open while we’re with him. Openness is the feminine art of vulnerability. We can learn to be open through self-awareness and learning to love and accept ourselves as we are. Forgiveness also plays a part in being open. If we can forgive ourselves for our past mistakes, we can now be open to sharing what we’ve learned. Openness is attractive to masculine energy men and brings them closer to us, enabling them to feel emotionally safe to share their hearts. Men need to feel safe to be vulnerable with a woman, and they can only do this with a woman who is open and not guarded. If you’re rushing into a commitment with a man, you haven’t learned how to be with yourself and, therefore, have not learned how to be emotionally available with yourself. When we have not learned how to be emotionally available with ourselves, it becomes challenging to connect with a man because men are looking for this sensitivity with women. They crave it, and they often don’t realize or know that they do until they are in the experience of it. 

Let him invest in you. 

Another way to increase emotional connection is by allowing a man to invest in you. Investment doesn’t only mean monetary. It also means his time and commitment. The more you let a man invest in you via his thoughts, energy, time and commitment, the closer he’s starting to feel for you. The key here is that you appreciate his efforts and make them known. Otherwise, you’ll appear to be a taker, and men don’t feel good with women who don’t appreciate their efforts. This strategy can backfire if you are not a genuinely warm, caring person, and it’s important to partake in inner work to truly become the best version of yourself and not just land a man. You can start today by working through my inner work course. You’ll gain much awareness, learn to heal, and become your best self. 

When men invest in a woman, they start to feel deeply connected to her since their primary way to love is through giving. Giving of himself bonds him to a woman, and this is the primary reason we want to allow the relationship to unfold without putting undue pressure on the title. When men feel good with a woman, they naturally start to do more and more and want to solidify the connection. They won’t want to lose their feeling with you if it’s a good feeling, and they’ll want to make their interest known to you. When men move things forward, their emotional connection and attraction grow, which is how they fall in love.

With love,
Fareen