For men to know that you are the one, they need to experience a feeling of loss. If they do not believe that you can walk away and that you will always be there, it doesn’t matter how beautiful, accomplished and sweet you are; it doesn’t matter if you have all of these components that most men would want. Because if you do not have the self-worth to walk away when need be, then something within him will bar him from committing fully. 

Your feminine energy

Your feminine energy is the aspect of you that is divine and pure, and it’s the aspect of you that attracts everything to you. You want to learn how to embrace your feminine energy, especially if you desire a relationship with a masculine man filled with passion, love, and desire. Companionship, as I always say, is very different from a romantic relationship with a lot of attraction. Start reading about actual feminine energy in “Secrets of the Feminine Woman, Revealed“.

Why the fear of loss is essential for men to experience

Fear of loss is essential to experience because men need to feel that there is value in what they are investing in. They take the relationship for granted if they think a woman is desperate. What we have in abundance, we take for granted. We take it for granted if we cannot lose it. Men need to feel security in the relationship, but that security must also be combined with a sense of loss. A man can’t think that “no matter what I do, and even if I show up incorrectly or I act up, this woman is going to take it.” He believes this unconsciously. Read about masculine energy men and what they need in relationships in “What Men Want: The Ultimate Guide to a Masculine Man’s Heart“. 

What he wants to feel

A man wants to feel the self-worth of a woman. When a healthy, empowered man decides to commit to a woman, he will commit to the woman he feels, “Wow, there is something different about her. With this woman, I cannot show up in a way that is, let’s say, low value. I can’t be cheap with her in who I am. I can’t operate from the lower aspects of myself because she won’t take it. She will not allow me to be anything but the best version of myself.” He needs to have this sense in a woman. If he doesn’t feel that and instead feels that there is no sense of worth in you (he’ll see this in the way you carry yourself), he is not going to think that you are the one, and he’s not going even to want to be with you. Participating in your inner work is so important. Start your inner work journey with “Feminine Woman, Shadow“.

How you show up when you won’t leave

How this will look in relationships with men is when you put them on a pedestal. Anytime you take a man’s role and put him on a pedestal, he’s getting the sense that “I can have her whenever I want; it doesn’t matter how badly I behave because she’s always going to be there.” And so that’s not triggering this feeling in him that you are the one. A woman who is “the one” will not stick around when a man behaves poorly.

In a relationship, this looks like

Once in the relationship, men will observe if a woman stays true to the standards she set for herself before entering the relationship. A man will unconsciously know whether he is meeting the requirements she has set and will feel if a woman has let her standards go for him and the relationship. Men know early on if a woman is marriage material and should propose within the year. If he does not propose within the year, something is holding him back. Often, if a man can get the benefits without committing seriously, he will. Men are afraid of losing their freedom, and the more a woman tries to persuade a man to commit, the further away he will get from wanting to commit seriously.
A man will gladly give his freedom away to a woman who doesn’t require his liberty to be lost. This woman has her standards and upholds them, even into a relationship, and she can walk away if he does not stay authentic to who he appeared to be at the onset of the relationship.
When a man feels that “if I don’t step up my game, I am going to lose her,” that is the woman he starts to commit to tangibly. He needs to have this sense that you’ll walk away no matter what stage of a relationship you’re in. 

Marriage is not the be-all and end-all

Women perceive marriage as the end all, be all; I do not. When you are outcome-oriented and have no sense of self, you will look externally to validate yourself internally. You will also let go of “bad” behaviours to be married, a recipe for disaster; in the long term, this will make you very unhappy.
I will always walk away from a relationship, no matter what stage, if I am unhappy and my partner does not meet his commitments. Commitment, for me, looks like a man whose integrity is strong and who leads the relationship. If, at any point, this is not evident after some grace is afforded and behaviours are not changed, I will walk away. When you are not prepared to walk away, men take you for granted, and quality men will not tangibly commit to you since they have the same standards for their relationships and life as I do. 

It’s his role to convince you he’s worthy of your heart

It should always be the man looking to claim the woman versus the woman looking to pin down the man. Even if a woman wants to settle down, quality women will commit themselves to a growth-oriented man who will contribute to the relationship. A man who will not drain her emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually since she is coming to the relationship as a whole, happy individual. So, she won’t rush into marriage until she observes how a man has dealt with challenges in the relationship over time. It will be very different if a man is with a quality woman because when a man is with a quality woman, he already sees that, “Wow, this is a woman that will bring a lot to the table, and if I don’t get my act together, I’m going to lose her, and I’m not going to find anyone like her.” This sense is where the fear of loss comes in. 

Marriage looks like this when you let go of “bad” behaviour

When you move into a marriage, and you’ve let go of bad behaviour from the beginning of the relationship, let’s say he’s out late all the time, maybe he does drugs, he’s not contributing financially, or he’s lazy. Whatever behaviours you let slide in the relationship only amplify when you’re married. Now he knows you’re not going to walk away because you’re married, and if you are more put together, let’s say, financially than he is, he’s technically hit the lottery, you haven’t, and so you’re a little bit trapped because he thinks that you’re not going to walk away. If you didn’t before marriage, why would you now? 

The mindset you want to adopt as a woman

You must have the mindset that you are a quality (high-value) woman and bring that quality to the table. You don’t just think this arrogantly without bringing your value to the table. When you attract quality men, they will also perceive you as “high-value.” And when they drop the ball, you will make it known. When we are insecure, and a man drops the ball, we let everything go, right? We are afraid to be alone and don’t want to lose this man, so we let all the destructive behaviours go. And a man takes us for granted. He doesn’t think you’re the one because he doesn’t fear losing you. You want to make sure that you come to the table with a lot so that a man understands that you are valuable and that even if he drops the ball (because men will drop the ball; it’s in their DNA), immediately when you make mention of it, he’s going to want to change that behaviour. And you want to correct all of these things before you get married.

Red flags and healthy relationships

Rushing courtship is a major red flag for men and women to take notice of. In a healthy relationship, a woman will not want to rush courtship. She will take her time, which puts a man’s defenses down, and when he has dropped the ball, or there are instances where let’s say, he’s not stepping up to the plate, a woman is not going to nag. She’s going to have the capability of walking away and walking away elegantly. And that will spark a desire in a man to know that this is not a woman I can take for granted because I cannot be without this woman. If a man does not feel that “I cannot be without this woman” when he’s not in her presence, he does not think you are the one and is just not interested in you.

Learn about masculine-feminine energy and men and relationships in “What Men Want: The Ultimate Guide to a Masculine Man’s Heart.”

Learn about authentic feminine energy in “Secrets of the Feminine Woman, Revealed.”

Start your healing journey in “Feminine Woman, Shadow.”

As always, I hope you gained valuable insights. With love, Fareen.

Do you have a testimonial you want to share to inspire others to participate in expanding their consciousness through my work? Please feel free to email me. Thank you.