Let’s discuss how you can get him back if you’ve unintentionally pushed him away, he’s pulled away, or you’ve had a fight, and you want to get him back, you want him to pursue, chase, and you want to feel desirable again! We’ve all been in a situation where we’ve liked a guy and wanted to move the relationship forward. Every single time that you move toward a man, what’s going to happen at a subconscious level, is he’s going to move away from you!

He doesn’t even know that he’s doing this; an unconscious feeling triggers him to move away. When we like a guy, we’re trying our best to get him to like us back, and the more we try to get him to like us, the more energetically we pursue him and move toward him. Unconsciously, it will trigger him to move back because there’s always one person leading the relationship, energetically or physically. If we’re taking that leadership role, we’re the one that is leading. That doesn’t feel good because now there’s a gap, and he can’t catch up because we’re too ahead. He should be the one that is ahead of us in terms of emotional investment and should be the one trying to get us to meet him where he’s at.

When a woman is so ahead of a man, he doesn’t feel any incentive to close the gap because all the work is done. Why would he need to close the gap with you if you are the one that is so invested in him? He has nothing left to do; you’ve taken his job.

We have emotional outbursts believing it will evoke something in him, and he’s going to all of a sudden pursue us! And think about that for a second; think about if someone is getting mad at you and reacting negatively toward your actions. Because often that’s what we’ll do as women. We’ll get mad at our partner, and we’ll become reactive.

If a man is pulling away or not moving towards you, certain things have usually happened in the dynamic that has caused him to pull back.

Men, by nature, are meant to lead and move things forward, and they’re never going to hang out in a relationship unless they’ve defined that from the beginning. Still, even in those scenarios, if you show up a certain way, you can trigger his commitment, especially if you’re leading in your feminine energy!

Ultimately in terms of power dynamics in a relationship, we want it to be that both partners are attracted to each other. There’s this polarity and yin and yang, and neither of the parties wants the other one more, although the man always wants the woman just a little bit more! It should always be that way, even into marriage. However, ideally, it’s balanced; let’s say it’s 45:50.

The man is always just a bit ahead.

Most women want commitment so severely that they do not give men space to want them.  After all, you want it so much. You’re desperate for it; you are doing everything you can to make it happen and to get this man interested. At the beginning of a relationship, that might feel good to a man because when we are stroking a man’s ego, that will feel good to him, but at some point, that gets old. The availability is masculine because high-value feminine women are not available initially, and they put themselves first.

What ends up happening in a relationship with a man is that once the dynamic is not moving fast enough (mainly because we want it so much), we start to nag, force and control, and we have emotional outbursts in hopes that will create desire in him. My loves, it does the exact opposite! The more that you want him, the less he wants you. Subconsciously it’s too easy now, and the more you plan for the future, the more laid back he is going to be because you are in your masculine energy now, and he is in his feminine energy. He is behind you, and you are the one leading, and then you will get upset because he won’t be moving things forward. One of the reasons that a man will pull away or decide not to be in the relationship is when things are not working out in the way we want; we become emotionally reactive.

It is very important to lead with your emotional intelligence and not be codependent and needy on anyone; it is incredibly unattractive and highly repelling. Let’s say we have overreacted, and now a man doesn’t want to be with us; the worst thing we can do is contact and reel him back in. Some women will do this by getting upset with him. If he hasn’t contacted you, said he doesn’t want to be in the relationship, or his actions show you that he isn’t moving toward you, the worst thing you can do is get mad at him and tell him how upset you are.  Feeling messages are the worst! When you’re feeling bad, and he’s already pulled away because he’s lost interest, and you tell him, “I “feel so disappointed” “or “I feel so sad,” that does not make him feel more attracted to you! It makes him unattracted to you even more because you’re putting your heavy negative emotions on him. He doesn’t want that. If he wanted that, he would be pursuing you! It creates a depolarization and a scenario where you push him away even more because he doesn’t want to be with someone he has to care for and is needy. It is very unattractive.

High-value women do not pursue men, especially when men move away from them.

We can attract him back by first taking accountability or responsibility for our behaviours in the relationship. It is so important to do this! If you do not see how you contributed to the loss of attraction in this relationship, you won’t be able to get him back, and the same situation will happen with someone else.  Once we’ve done that, we want to take a step back, and then we want to give distance.

We will always get a man back if we create distance and space.

This whole concept about leaning back, well, in a way, does work because it activates his ego. If a woman is needy and clingy when she stops doing that, the man turns around, and the man is like, “Oh, she’s not doing this anymore; why isn’t she doing this anymore.” At some level, that will evoke a sense of attraction in him. I’m not saying this is the best strategy because it’s games. However, you should learn to regulate and control your emotions rather than lashing out at him because that will push him away even more.

Then when he does move towards us after we’ve taken space, we don’t want to be super available. Be a little bit coy. If he’s created distance and he sends you a message, you don’t need to respond to the message right away.

Let him wait because men are also testing to see if you are still available; their ego is at play, not their heart.  And to activate his heart, we need to give it more space and time.

This would be an excellent opportunity to apologize to him for overreacting. The more you lose control of a relationship, the less attractive you become because you don’t feel safe. Emotional reactivity in a woman signifies weakness and insecurity and makes a woman look desperate.

So if you want to get him back, create some space, take personal responsibility and care for yourself and whatever you do not, reach out to him!