Communicating with men is different from communicating with women. And even in this broad gender description, there lay distinctions depending on the energy the particular man or woman embodies. So to keep things general and comprehensive for this piece, I will keep it gender-specific and energy-neutral: men and women and masculine and feminine energies. 

When communicating with masculine energy, we must first remember that men are not women, and feminine energy is distinct from masculine energy. It is essential to keep this in mind since when we forget, we assume men emote and react much like women, which cannot be and will not be of authentic masculine energy. Men experience emotions differently from women. When we communicate with our intimate partner, we want to assume their role so that we can understand what they need to hear us and, therefore, have our needs met in the dynamic. It is a win-win when we seek to understand versus seek to have our perceptions validated. 

When men communicate, they are usually direct, to the point and neutral in their tone. Of course, variations exist depending on the situation. On the whole, though, little emotion exists in their communication. Again, anomalies exist. Sometimes they will be less direct and vaguer to avoid confrontation. A man will often be in his head figuring out various situations. If he’s unsure about something, he may not directly communicate this, but an aware woman will feel it. She will feel his hesitation. Rather than getting upset at him, we just want to be mindful that he wishes not to upset us and ask questions for clarification. The lack of clarity tends to appear when we are asking questions about something that he may not have clear answers for at that moment. Directness ensues in a man’s pursuit and clarity. The indirectness tends to appear once a relationship is more established and in conversations of a more serious nature. We don’t want to see indirectness in a man’s pursuit of us. Let me just make that clear. 

In communicating with women, there is often no point; the content is vague and usually moves from one subject to another, and it is typically emotive. But, of course, and again, anomalies exist. 

Women speak to feel better and to connect. Men communicate to convey a point. We differ in our communication styles, and that’s okay. If our ultimate aim is attraction, we don’t want to be similar, even in communicating. We can, however, seek to understand so that we can avoid gender-specific misunderstandings. 

As women, when we speak to our masculine partner to effect some change, and we do so with heavy negative emotion, he will be unable to hear it. Masculine energy needs time and space to process emotion, and when we speak in a charged way, he is more likely trying to figure out why we are emotional versus what we are saying. Also, if we speak in a way that essentially communicates we are unhappy with him, his defence mechanisms are on high alert. He can’t hear us when we appear to be disappointed, especially if this is a frequent pattern on our side. 

In the same way, as women, we need to feel heard, seen and validated to feel loved in a partnership. When we communicate our needs and wants and are ignored, talked over, or not listened to, we become more upset and emotional. We want to keep in mind that his communication style differs from ours. When he communicates with others, how does he do it? We want to pay close attention to how our partner communicates with others, then mimic it. It doesn’t mean we have to change who we are. But it is essential to realize that we are different and want to remain different because attraction builds in these differences. When we can mirror our partners’ communication style, we can better understand how it is that they listen and take in information. Does he speak with a specific tone? When he communicates with others and appears to be responsive, what is their communication style? Pay attention. We want to feel close to our partner, and connection develops when we understand and feel understood.

In communicating with our intimate partner, it is vital to note that when we seek to understand versus seek to be right, we achieve what we truly desire: to be understood. And when we feel understood by our intimate partner, we move toward a more profound connection and ultimately become more attractive to one another.