How to speak to a man? How men want to be spoken to when you’re upset

by | Apr 12, 2024 | Communication

When we speak to a man, we want to be mindful of our approach. Many teachers will suggest speaking to a man with “feeling messages”, but I am not in agreement with this. My belief and position on men is that they are strong, confident and capable. A masculine-energy man is able to handle a woman’s emotions, and he does not need to be coddled, nor should we coddle a man. When we coddle a man in any way, we are unconsciously suggesting that we do not have trust in him and that he cannot handle our negative feelings. Of course, he can! In fact, masculine energy is the holder of space and the container of the feminine. The feminine must also feel and believe that she is partnered with a man who can handle her vast array of emotions and handle “her.” If she doesn’t feel a man can handle her emotions or bring her back down to homeostasis, unconsciously, she will not feel safe with him.

What we want to keep in mind is the way in which we approach a man with our negative emotions as well as the timing. Regarding timing, before commitment, if we have negative emotions regarding his behaviour or the speed at which he’s moving the relationship, that is on us, which means that the earlier stages of dating should feel good, light and easygoing. We are in observation mode, and we can either accept or reject what a man offers. If we feel the need to communicate negative feelings to him, we’ve become interested ahead of his pursuit, and naturally, that won’t feel good. Communicating to a man at this time how upset you are will only make you unconsciously unattractive in his eyes, and you’ll notice that his efforts to win you over will wane.

Once there is a sold commitment, and/or we’ve moved into courting, which means he is actively only pursuing you, you have more room to communicate your negative emotions since he is now investing in you and is interested. During this stage, we also want to remain in observation mode. A confident woman is more interested in how a man shows up at this stage and is less interested in policing him. This is why the inner work is so important. You can’t trick a man into seeing you as confident; you just are confident. Here is the inner work course link to help you become your best self.

In a committed relationship, you should express your feelings to a man. How you approach him will make all the difference, and the context of what you’re upset about will also matter. If you’re upset over little things around the house, you’re mothering him, and he will find you controlling and will rebel. You want to understand that men are not women, and you want to be calm, steady and neutral in speaking to him about more minor issues around the house. My YouTube video, linked below, will get into this more.

For more significant issues, everything must be established at the beginning of a relationship. Boundaries and what we do and do not tolerate should be mentioned early on. After this point, we want to observe if a man’s actions and words are congruent. If you find in the relationship that he has gone back on his word, and if there is disrespect that is continuing after several attempts of you being reasonable (read “Secrets of the Feminine Woman), then I recommend separating yourself. You cannot expect a man to change his behaviour through words or being upset. Men respond to action and consequences. Of course, every situation varies. For insight into your specific situation, feel free to book an email session or call under the coaching tab.

Secrets of the Feminine Woman, Revealed, will teach you about femininity.

What Men Want will teach you about the various stages of dating and how masculine energy men think and court.

Feminine Woman, Shadow is the inner work course that will help you step into the feminine, high-value woman you are.

With love,


Read  “What Men Want” to better understand men, masculine energy and relationships


Read “Secrets of the Feminine Woman” to better understand femininity and feminine energy


Course: Feminine Woman, Shadow Edition


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