If we want to connect with a masculine man, we want to do so by communicating with his heart. His heart is the gateway to his undying love, devotion and lifetime commitment. If we are trying to connect with him in the ways that meet his physical, mammalian needs, we indeed can, but we will bring forth his instincts versus his higher faculties. Men bond emotionally slower than feminine women as they are not accustomed to leading with their hearts. The genders are designed to be complementary in an intimate union, and striving to maintain such distinctions versus advocating for sameness should be our goal. Instead, society is moving toward splitting gender identification and neutralizing differences. When we function similarly romantically, passion cannot be present and instead, we pair as companions and not lovers.

Masculinity craves intimacy yet fails to understand how to achieve emotional closeness. It is not in a man’s DNA to open emotionally first. Men function to have their primary sexual needs met and evolutionary to pass on their genetic coding. When we do not allow a man to win our affection by showcasing their interest through actions and gestures, they cannot fall in love the way we would like. Men need time to evaluate their feelings and to develop an emotional connection. If physical closeness is established prematurely and before emotional intimacy, a man will not feel as connected to a woman as he would unconsciously prefer. He may dutifully perform the obligations required of him in a relationship. Still, his heart will crave intimacy which can only form when physical gratification is delayed at the onset of courtship. Even if a masculine man moves toward commitment quickly after sex and before emotional connectedness, over some time, his interest will likely wane. He may have moved toward commitment because the timing was right but later discovered that the woman was not. 

To open a man’s heart, we must first be connected to our own heart. When we have a genuine connection with our heart, we will, as a natural consequence, delay any physical contact with a man until we feel safe. As women, a primary need that must be met is safety. In intimacy, that means feeling seen and validated before giving our most fruitful possession; our body. If we do not think this way, we function from our trauma and past conditioning, looking to gain approval versus taking care of our primary needs first. Often, when we are not healthy and have inner work to explore, we will meet our needs unhealthily. That can look like pursuing men and being sexually open and promiscuous without commitment. Attempting to achieve our primary need of safety outside of ourselves will never work long term. When we try to meet our needs through our intimate partners, we are not whole and seek to be made whole through another. As a result, intimacy cannot form. To truly be intimate with another, we must first become intimate with ourselves. A masculine man will bond with a woman that has a deep connection to herself because she will require him to work to earn her affection. In this working toward winning her heart, he begins to bond emotionally. Delaying physical intimacy builds connection because it requires the pair to get to know one another for more than their mammalian needs. If a man is looking to marry, he will desire intimacy, although he may not communicate it right away or even be consciously aware of this need. 

When a man is getting to know a woman and spending time with her without the prospect of sex on the table, he is getting to know her for who she is, not what she looks like or what she has. If he continues to spend his time, energy and resources toward her without any sexual advancement, he begins to fall deeper in love. When a man bonds emotionally first, his interest develops slowly over time rather than peaking once he has had sex and diminishing thereafter. A man falls in love during space in courtship as his mind wanders to fond memories of her, and his actions toward winning her over stimulate parts of him that are otherwise dormant. Pursuit, coupled with the elegance displayed in her restraint, soothes an evolutionary fear all men have of being left for another man. Being sexually reserved ease’s a man’s commitment fear and enables him to bond in ways that feel safe and exclusive. Sexual exclusivity and restraint will allow him to bond without the threat and fear of future loss. And ultimately, masculinity can only fall in love deeply once trust, security, and safety are present. Otherwise, love will remain at the surface, hallow and obligatory.