Why men need absence to know you’re the one

by | Feb 28, 2024 | Relationships, The "Inner Work"

Absence is essential in a man’s journey to falling in love with you. Men and women, as I always say, are different, and we fall in love differently. Women fall in love when they see consistency in a man. When they know that he is in his masculine frame, which means that over time, he’s consistent, moving things forward, strong, and not triggered by her taking time with the relationship and courtship.

Although we complement each other, the masculine and feminine energies differ. And it’s essential to understand the differences to have passionate, fulfilling relationships. Absence is critical for a man to determine if a woman is the one for him, and without a certain level of absence or space in a relationship, a man will never know if you are suitable for him. Men need a period of separation when they are with a woman that they love. During that period of separation, they can assess whether their feelings and thoughts return to her and whether they miss her when she is not around. They also need to determine what their life is like when they are not together. The separation helps move men along into deeper stages of commitment.

If a man has been with a woman who is reactive, needy and insecure, and he feels she has been very demanding of him, he will feel relief in her absence. However, a woman who has made a difference in his life, or a “high-value woman,” he will miss.

A high-value woman is a woman who has cleared her blocks, has no demands or expectations of others and focuses on her well-being. If you want to start your inner work journey, click here.

He’s going to have a tough time getting a high-value woman out of his thoughts, and his behaviours are going to be very different with her. He might try to get her attention through text messages and calls, and his efforts to contact her will gradually increase. He won’t want to be without her, no matter what. And so if there is a period of space, the reason for that is not because he’s going to want space; it’s because you wish space as a woman. And in that space and in that absence, he will have a hard time. He’s not going to be able to sleep. He’s going to be checking your socials all the time. He’s going to be miserable. He’s not going to be happy. He’s going to feel feelings of anger, frustration, sadness. He will feel a whole host of feelings, which are essential for men because these feelings signal to men, “Wow, this woman is different. This woman is someone that I want to be with.

These feelings also help a man examine himself. When a woman can step back when a man is not stepping up or being the higher version of himself, knowing she brings a lot to the table creates in a man (after the ego settles down) because, of course, for men, their ego is going to be activated right away and that’s normal and healthy, so he’s going to have anger, frustration, etc. which is entirely normal. Once those emotions have settled down, his subsequent feelings (this is if he loves you) are “How can I fix this?” and “How can I make this better?” And he will make an effort to make things better for you. He’s going to try to fix things with you and make you feel good in the relationship again because he’s not going to want to lose you.

He won’t know you are a woman worth fighting for unless he’s not in your presence. In the presence of a feminine woman, men will recognize that they feel good with her.

It’s essential to understand that with masculine energy men, sometimes you need to step away, sometimes you need to walk away, and sometimes you need to check them.

Sometimes, you need to have a backbone, and it’s not the right approach to speak to them in, let’s say, a feminine, soft way because they are going to trample all over you, and that’s just not how it works with masculine energy men. Sometimes they need a firm kick in the butt, and what that is, is for you to step away, and in you stepping away is when he’s going to wake up and think, “Oh shoot, this is a woman that I really can’t live without, and I can’t be immature with her, and I have to step up my game to be with her.”

He will feel good, happy, and light in your presence; however, men can take what they have for granted. Only when that thing is not around do they start to assess, “Is this something that I want to continue to fight for?” and “Is this something I want to overcome, my stuff for to be with this woman?” They don’t necessarily experience this in the relationship because they are present and, although they think into the future, will only feel an urgency to take subsequent steps into commitment if they are called to do so.

For men, especially men who have been in relationships and have experienced negative relationships with women, they’re going to need a little bit more of a push. And often, he will recognize that when you’re apart from him. I do not recommend trying to close the gap for a man when you are in space because when you close the gap for a man, he unconsciously perceives you as low value. After all, a high-value woman is never going to do that. A high-value woman will never step into the role of a man. She’s never going to do that because she knows that if not this man, there will be a lineup of men waiting to be with her. And when you do the inner work, you will believe this about yourself.

You will never try to close the gap with a man whatsoever.

Work through the Self-Study Course to become the High-Value Woman you genuinely are.


Read  “What Men Want” to better understand men, masculine energy and relationships


Read “Secrets of the Feminine Woman” to better understand femininity and feminine energy


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  1. Lily

    Amazing article

  2. Margaret

    As always, insightful advice from you!

  3. Zsofia

    This is such a profound message. I am so thankful I’ve got to read this.
    For me it was so easy to think that if I nag and make myself available that’s going to get me a relationship. Hah! I was so wrong so so wrong. And I know it thanks to you! You know this. You are the best at this! I love how you share the essential parts of the relationship making both parties content. I love how you put emphasize on being content and loving toward ourselves first. To live love everyday and share it with the right person when he comes. I love what you do. Thank you!

  4. Felicia Leonguerrero

    Love love love!! I love how you have the lil section that breaks down what a high value woman is! 💗 thank you for sharing.

  5. Anita

    This is so helpful Fareen. Thank you 🩷. I see that we really need to have done our inner work and show up valuing ourselves so we give men space to come to their own conclusions rather than trying to prove our worth to them, people please or chase them.

  6. Sarah S

    Oh Wow! You have the most elegant writing. Such a joy to read. The world is lucky to have you at the forefront teaching us about healthy relationships dynamics. Thank you xo


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