How to approach the first date with a man?

by | Mar 26, 2024 | Dating

If you’re anything like me, you’ll love dating. In fact, dating is my favourite part of a relationship. It’s when a man can show up as his best self, and it’s when a man shows up his absolute best. I love the dating phase of a relationship, and I particularly love to extend it for as long as possible. I’ll outline why in this piece. 

Who loves dating, and who doesn’t 

If you’re a feminine woman, you will absolutely love the dating phase of a relationship, and you will have no rush whatsoever to progress into the next phase. Feminine women love being courted and doted upon. They want to be won over. They feel safest and most secure with men who consistently show them who they are over an extended period of time. You see, feminine women know that men can play the short game to impress them and that it does not always indicate who a man is. The long game is what feminine women are interested in. In this phase, feminine women observe a man’s patience, strength, confidence and reliability. The more patient a man is, the more secure a woman feels. A woman can only assess a man’s true intentions over some time. 

Feminine women love being courted and enjoy the process of a man winning them over. It’s when they feel the most desired and develop a lot of oxytocin. Men also really enjoy courting a feminine woman. So long as a woman is truly embodied in her femininity, is not playing games to get a man to woo her, and genuinely enjoys the courting phase, a man will be smitten! 

So, who doesn’t love the dating phase?

If you’re a woman predominantly in your masculine energies and functioning from this space more than 50% of the time, you will want to accolade this phase as much as you can and as fast as you can. Masculine energy is outcome-oriented, whereas feminine energy is oriented toward smelling the roses and enjoying the journey. This is why masculine energy wants to obtain their outcome as fast as possible. Usually, it’s to sleep with a woman or conquer her. Masculine energy women want to get to the end game just as fast! They want to ensure that the man they are dating likes them ever so quickly and will do whatever they can to ensure that they do! They will chat them up quite quickly and be very available. Dates will last too long, and communication will be too frequent in between. A relationship may develop within a few weeks, a month at best! If it were up to her, it would happen overnight! Let’s get on with it! Do you like me or not? 

What works with men

Slow is fast! Men want to take things as slow as possible and want to court and win a woman over. As they age and develop, men value emotional connection over physical connection. Although the physical does matter, we want to be mindful not to lead with a man’s ego desires if we want love. If you want a man to adore you, you have to allow him to work for you and pace the courtship. Pacing is essential with men because they can get excited when they meet a woman they’re attracted to. Don’t get fooled! This is very important to understand, as men become disinterested once they know they’ve won a woman over, especially if that happens quickly. Slow is always best with men. 

How do you approach conversation before the date? 

If you’re meeting on a dating site, keep your first message short, simple and sweet. Let the men work to get to know you, but be engaging and sweet. Don’t share too much, but don’t be closed either. Get to know if your core values align, and then save the rest for the date! I do not suggest speaking on the phone beforehand or any long-winded text conversations. I would not give my personal details or phone number until a few dates. Keep everything to the app. If a man hadn’t asked you out after a few conversations on the app, you can nudge him by saying, “I’d love to share that in person!” Be light and flirty. He should then get the hint to set up a date. 

On the date 

The first date should be short and sweet! Aim for coffee. We want to keep it brief, at a maximum of an hour or two. Remember, build-up is vital! Keep the conversation light and energized, and be in a good mood when you go out. Be engaging and ask questions that are insightful and intelligent. People love it when you want to know about them! Also, always ask if you can help with the bill. We want to be polite and remember that this man is also dating other women and trying to find his best match. Having less expectations will not only make you more desirable but will also give you less anxiety.
Usually, after the date, he’ll ask to set up another date. Make sure to spread the dates out and limit communication between dates. Allow him to work for you! 

You can find out more in “What Men Want: The Ultimate Guide to a Masculine Man’s Heart,” where I discuss the courting phase in more detail. 

Most importantly, enjoy yourself and have fun. Dating is the best time to get to know someone and give men a chance to be their best selves and show up for you! Why rush that? 

With love,


Read  “What Men Want” to better understand men, masculine energy and relationships


Read “Secrets of the Feminine Woman” to better understand femininity and feminine energy


Course: Feminine Woman, Shadow Edition


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