Leaning Back

by | Jul 25, 2022 | Dating

Leaning back is a phrase that is misunderstood and misused. When we try to lean back unconsciously, we seek to evoke a reaction that compels a leaning in toward us. Usually, when we try to lean back, we have displayed excessive interest that aroused a pull-back or withdrawn response in a man. Leaning back in this context can work, but only because we trigger a fear response when we suddenly withdraw. When a consistently present stimulus is suddenly scarce, it is human nature to become curious about its whereabouts and seek it out. Good or bad, the truth is that we activate an egoic response when we consciously perform this concept. 

If we successfully get a response without inner work, it will be short-lived. Masculinity, like femininity, can sense inauthenticity. Even if an egoic response is triggered, the previous dynamic will surely return once blood flow returns to the cognitive faculty and reason is restored. That is because a man can sense that actual changes have not been made. If the man continues the behaviours that elicited excessive interest, the woman will undoubtedly continue her chasing tendencies, and the pattern will re-emerge. Even if the gap creates tension that restores attraction, when the man leans in, if a woman’s energy remains as it was when he withdrew, he will sense it and pull back again. The tendency is that a polarized woman will lean back out of anger. When the lack of attention becomes excessive, she will have a substantial adverse reaction and will essentially become fed up and naturally lean back. She will become fed up. The energy of being fed up is quite attractive and is pulling. It will create enough tension that will spark a disinterested man to come forth once again, but if the energy is not maintained, when he comes back, she will succumb to his needs, requests, desires and wants and will forget about hers. 

In unhealthy dynamics, this push-pull tug-of-war can continue for years. At some point, a man will no longer react to a woman’s leaning back. Instead, he will know that she is upset, give her space, and tread lightly when he is ready to return. If a woman is unaware of her behaviours and tendencies, she can become trapped in this game of cat and mouse and waste her most precious years.

When done correctly, leaning back is not thought about; instead, it is a way of being. Leaning back means that as feminine women, we are engaged in our lives so that we are not fixated on men and any particular man or any outcome. We are focused primarily on our lives, and we allow men to be men. When embodied in our feminine energy, we already lean back organically. We understand our worth, so we do not attempt to fill the gap for men. And in fact, feminine women do not necessarily abide by traditional dating concepts. Instead, they send texts, initiate conversations and tend to be open, talkative and bubbly. The messages do not matter. A feminine woman can send the same text message as a polarized woman and get a completely different result. That is because the intention and energy will always take precedent over the action. The action only matters when examining the why. As feminine women, we do not believe in pursuing men or chasing any outcome. We stay in our lane. We do what pleases us versus what is expected of us. That means we generally would not initiate plans with a man or text first. But if we did, for whatever reason, it wouldn’t mean we would be attempting to attain a particular outcome. A text is simply a text. The intention behind the text is the energy, and the energy carries information. The energy behind the action will have the most significant impact.


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