The High-Value Woman

by | Sep 19, 2019 | The "Inner Work"

What does it mean to be a High-Value Woman? We’ve all met that woman that effortlessly attracts men and relationships. She isn’t necessarily the prettiest or the smartest, but she has this “thing” about her that makes men fall all over themselves. There was a time I wondered what she possessed that I didn’t, after all, I considered myself a “catch.” But even if I easily attracted men to date, at some point, the relationship always crumbled, and I was back at square one.

Before we get into the qualities of a High-Value Woman, it’s essential to note behaviours that are NOT high value. Anything externally that we claim entitlement to is NOT high value. That means, your degree, car, house are all great to have, but if you lack this one “thing” that I will get into, it means very little in terms of attraction and value. You see, EVEN IF we possess these external commodities, if we chase, pursue, control, buy a man gifts, mother him – he will still run away! These external things do not bring him close to you. It doesn’t matter to him that you have a ton of money in the bank, or that you have a Harvard Degree, because instinctively when you behave in low-value ways, you are signalling that you are a low-value mate. Similar to the animal kingdom, high-value masculine men will not mate with a low-value partner. Instead, high-value masculine men desire a woman that is on their level of value or above. Let me be clear, they may date you and even have fun with you, but they will not form a long term partnership with you.  

When you chase, give, control and feel entitled with a man, you are demonstrating that you do not believe you are worthy AS YOU ARE to receive his love. At a subconscious level – he will feel turned off. Think about how you feel when a man is pushy, entitled, controlling and even arrogant. He feels entitled to your time and attention, and although he is handsome, you feel turned off.

A High-Value Woman feels worthy just because! Not for her looks, money, or intellect. In fact, she could have none of these things yet feel worthy AND still have a successful (cherished, adored, taken care of) love life.

So, if the fundamental quality of a High-Value Woman is her sense of self-worth, what actions and behaviours follow?

A High-Value Woman is selfish. I don’t mean selfish in a derogatory way; I mean selfish in the way that matters. She puts her needs and desires before a man and the relationship. She knows that her ability to attract and keep a man’s attention for the long haul depends on her ability to take care of her needs first. She understands that she is responsible for meeting her needs and that he is not her caretaker. She also knows that her ability to be selfish (take care of her needs) directly relates to how happy she is in his presence, which triggers his attraction.

A High-Value Woman is emotionally mature. Because she is selfish with her needs, she isn’t stressed out. She is balanced, in control, and she can express herself in a way that is vulnerable, yet strong. She does not participate in drama and is non-reactive. She understands that creating emotional safety with a man requires first that she is connected to herself – her heart. So she feels! She wholeheartedly feels the emotions that come up for her, but she does not place blame or make anyone responsible for how she feels.

A High-Value Woman understands gender differences. She understands that men and women are different, and she does not treat him like a girlfriend. She understands that men and women have different communication styles, and she respects that his needs are not the same as hers. Because she understands gender differences, she allows for plenty of space and is patient during those times where he may not be fully engaged.

A High-Value Woman has her own life. She does not derive her happiness from him or the relationship. She understands that he can only make her happier than she already is. She fills her life up with hobbies, friends and family and appreciates what he ADDS to her already full life (90/10 rule). 

So, ladies, it all comes down to self-love. When you embody self-worth, you believe you are valuable and you position yourself as a High-Value Mate.




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  1. Zsofia

    This is one of my favorite article.

    The way you formulate the contrast between what a high-value feminine woman do and does not do fascinates me.

    Your awareness, intelligence, experience and your energy is shining through your writing.

    • Fareen Ash

      Oh I’m so happy that this resonates with you 😀


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